Recently in Quality of life Category

The national divorce rate? Shockingly low.

By Laine Bergeson / May 2010

A new book -- For Better: The Science of a Good Marriage by Tara Parker-Pope -- recently crossed my desk. The book is a compendium of scientific insight into different aspects of married life: how long a marriage will last; how marriage affects health; how kids, money, and housework each impact a marriage. It's a pretty fascinating read whether you're married or not. I won't give away all the interesting details, but here's one surprising thing I learned: the national divorce rate is not 50 percent.

That's right: The current divorce rate is much lower than the oft-cited 50 percent. So why does that number still get bandied about so much? First of all, writes Parker-Pope, "One reason is that we have the most data on people married in the 1970s, so those tend to be the statistics that are quoted most often." And the thirty-year divorce rate for people married in the 70s is, in fact, 47%. That's likely where the 50% statistic originated.

But, writes Parker-Pope, "the divorce rate of couples married in the 1970s isn't particularly relevant to people who have gotten married more recently or are planning to marry in the future...The divorce trends showing up in later generations are more hopeful. People married in the 1980s and 1990s are getting divorced at lower rates than their counterparts in the 1970s. In fact, marital stability appears to be improving each decade." To wit, the ten-year divorce rate for women married in the 1990s is only 16 percent.

Parker-Pope goes on to theorize that if today's lower divorce rates were more widely known, divorce rates would drop even further. "I think it's so important to get the word out about what's really happening in marriage today," writes Parker-Pope. "Inflating divorce statistics has the potential to increase everybody's risk of getting divorced. Just as we become inured to violence when we see a lot of it on television or in the movies, I think the 50 percent divorce rate myth has trained a generation to be ambivalent about marriage and divorce. If half of all married couples are getting divorced, what's the big deal?"

So why does the 50 percent myth persist? "Some researchers speculate that fretting about the demise of marriage -- and perpetuating the myth that half of all marriages will end in divorce -- feeds a national agenda about family values that benefits both ends of the political spectrum," writes Parker-Pope. "The inflated number can be used as ammunition to win funding or undermine a public program, depending on the goal of the person or group involved."

Want more juicy data on the state of marriage today? Check out this interesting book!

An Update from Everyday

By Laine Bergeson / April 2010

I put a lot of pressure on myself to blog and blog well, which translates into me blogging way less than I want to. I always think, "Gosh, I should have some really illuminating point to make and my prose should be shiny and perfect." But today as I was trying -- and struggling -- to think of something illuminating and shiny, I realized that perhaps the most interesting and useful things I could share are the most mundane.

So here goes: I've been reading for pleasure a lot lately. Here are some of the better books I've read:

1. The James Deans by Reed Farrel Coleman -- This is a classic hard-boiled detective novel set in 1980s Brooklyn. It's a fun read, a good mystery, and Farrel Coleman has some great one-liners. It's an easy read and diverting. Read it if you like whodunits, the 80s, and/or The Maltese Falcon.

2. Raymond Carver: A Writer's Life by Carol Sklenicka -- This is a terrific biography because it is so detailed. Read it if you are a big Carver fan or if you like extremely bleak true-life stories.

3. Game Change by John Heilemann and Mark Halperin -- No matter what your political stripes, this chronicle of the 2008 election will alternately amuse you, scare you, shock you, and keep you on the edge of your seat (even though you know the outcome). My only caveat is not to read this book before bed; some of the chapters made me really anxious and then I couldn't sleep.

4. The Sun magazine -- And I don't mean the gossip mag. I mean the other one. Every time I read this magazine, I am both totally inspired and totally depressed. It's an odd but not unwelcome feeling. Try it.

Second, here's an easy recipe for chipotle hot sauce. I've been addicted to this stuff lately. Warning: its really hot, but its worth it. (The recipe, which I adapted slightly, is from the terrific cookbook Vegan with a Vengeance by Isa Chandra Moskowitz. Vegans and non-vegans alike should own this cookbook.)

• Cut up one large onion and about 4 cloves of garlic

• Saute the onion and the garlic in olive oil on medium-low heat for about 10 minutes

• Add two chipotle peppers in adobo sauce (these are canned chipotles that usually come in a blue can). Be careful, the peppers are really hot and if you get any sauce on your hand, wash it off right away

• Sautee for another minute or so

• Put the onions, garlic, and chipotle pepper sauté in a mixing bowl and add some water (about ¼ Cup, or more if you want a thinner sauce)

• Blend with an immersion blender

Voila! You have an awesome hot sauce. I usually eat it over black beans or I use it as a dip for chips or I mix it with Mayo and put on sandwiches.

Finally, here's my new favorite kitchen tool: the immersion blender (which plays a seminal role in the hot sauce recipe). This thing is so versatile and great and SO much easier than the regular blender for so many things. It's awesome for blending soups, sauces, dips, you name it. I find most of my kitchen gadgets secondhand, but I couldn't find an all-stainless steel immersion blender at the value village, so I saved up and bought it from the kitchen store. In my opinion, totally worth the price!

More Sleep, More Relationship Satisfaction?

By Laine Bergeson / December 2009

You probably already know this from experience, but new research has shown that the more you fight with your better half, the worse you sleep -- and the worse you sleep, the more you fight with your spouse.

 

Here are some more details from the study conducted by Brant Hasler, a clinical psychology doctoral candidate at the University of Arizona and presented at the 23rd Annual Meeting of the Associated Professional Sleep Societies, June 2009:

 

"Results indicate that on a day to day basis, couples' relationship quality affects their sleep, and their sleep also affects their subsequent relationship functioning. For men, better sleep (as indicated by diary-based sleep efficiency) was associated with more positive ratings of relationship quality the next day. For women, negative partner interactions during the day were associated with poorer sleep efficiency for both themselves and their partner that night.

 

'When we look at the data on a day-by-day basis, there seems to be a vicious cycle in which sleep affects next day relationship functioning, and relationship functioning affects the subsequent night's sleep,' said principal investigator Brant Hasler, clinical psychology doctoral candidate at the University of Arizona. "In this cycle, conflict with one's partner during the day leads to worse sleep that night, which leads to more conflict the following day. Although these results are preliminary due to the relatively small sample size and a subjective measure of sleep quality, the woman's perception of the relationship seems particularly important, as it impacts both her own and her partner's subjective sleep quality that night."

 

The study involved data from 29 heterosexual, co-sleeping couples who did not have children. Each completed sleep diaries for seven days. Each partner was asked to record the quality of interactions with their partner six times a day.

 

Hasler said that interventions directed at improving either quality of sleep or relationships may provide overall benefits, as the two directly impact each other. Hasler recommends that couples should resolve disputes before going to bed and avoid confrontational discussions on a day when one or both of them had a bad night's sleep."

 

So the next time your better half is grumpy because you slept late on Saturday when you were "supposed" to be cleaning out the basement, you can honestly say that you were sleeping in because you love him or her so much --  you weren't being selfish, you were actively improving your relationship! And who can argue with that?

High-End Kitchen Equipment, REALLY Low Prices

By Laine Bergeson / October 2009

The absolute best place to buy fancy -- or any -- kitchen gadgetry is the second hand store. Consignment stores always have truckloads of never used or barely used kitchen items -- my theory is that people buy fancy kitchen gadgets believing that simply having them will magically make them want/like/have time to cook, but when that doesn't happen, and the gadget has been in the box unopened for a year, they drop them off at the thrift store -- which means you can have a gourmet kitchen on a college student's budget. Here are some of the standout items I have found at thrift stores:

1. Atlas Stainless Steel Pasta Machine, $7.00 (Retails new for around $90.00)
2. Le Crueset Enameled Cast Iron French Oven 9qt., $30.00 (Retail: $299.00)
3. Le Crueset Halo Enamel-on-Steel 1.5qt Tea Kettle , $3.00 (Retail: $55.00)
4. Cuisinart Stainless Steel Automatic Burr Mill Coffee Grinder, $4.99 (Retail: 50.00)
5. Cuisinart Ice Cream Maker, $12.00 (Retail: $50.00)
6. Williams-Sonoma Glass Cake Platter, $6.99 ($65.00)
7. Marble rolling pin, $2.99 (Retail: $80.00)

I could go on and on because pretty much my whole kitchen has come from the consignment store -- all my pots and pans; all my cake, bread and muffin pans; all my baking tools -- at a fraction of retail price.

Having said that, I'm a person who believes you don't need any fancy kitchen gadgets to be a good cook or to enjoy cooking. New York Times food columnist and cookbook author Mark Bittman makes all his meals and tests all the recipes for his cookbooks in his tiny Manhattan apartment. For all the great kitchen stuff I have picked up at the thrift store, I make almost every meal with a pot or skillet, a wooden spoon, and a sharp knife. That's it.

If you need some kitchen staples or gadgets, head to the consignment store, but don't let lack of equipment stop you from cooking! Pretty much all it takes to make dinner is the desire to do so!

Wardrobe Malfunction

By Laine Bergeson / October 2009

This morning I was walking to the bus stop and I was halfway there when I realized I was wearing two different shoes: one with a heel and one without.

Yep, that's right, I walked a block didn't notice that each half of my body was at a different height. It was like when you drive somewhere and when you arrive at your destination you can't remember any part of the drive.

Numerous and varied studies have shown that we often don't pay quality attention to the things around us. Whenever I read one of those studies, my first thought is, "Sure, maybe that happens to other people, but not me! I always know what's going on around me!" I guess I have to revise my self-assessment.

I know this much: I better start paying attention when I'm getting dressed or tomorrow I might show up at work with my pants on backwards.

My TV got stolen....and I love it!

By Laine Bergeson / October 2009

Okay, so it didn't exactly get stolen. I am selling my old house and I used the TV to stage it. Since we're a one TV family, that means we're going without in our new house.

I panicked at first. "How will I fill my nights?" I gasped. "What will I do?" The answer, it turns out, is a lot! It turns out I LOVE not having a TV. Here are some of the things I've rediscovered:

1. I'm learning to play the piano.

2. I'm cooking more. Without a show or a Netflix to plop down in front of, I think, "Gosh, maybe I'll make dinner." And then I do.

3. I'm reading again. Sure, I read regularly; I'm an editor. But back when we had our TV and I would get home from work, I'd tell myself, "Ugh, I've been editing all day. I'm sick of reading! I'll just watch TV." But it turns out that was just an easy excuse to watch TV. I have plenty of mental space left for books -- and now I have the time to read them!

4. My better half and I are spending more time doing actual interactive things. Several nights in a row last week we sat at the dining room table and played board games. We played chess. We got out the video camera and filmed our dogs doing tricks.

We've been having so much fun without the TV, we don't know if we want it back. We're thinking we might keep it in the basement when we get it back and drag it up only for the occasional movie. 

Distraction: The Secret to Increased Productivity

By / October 2008

I spent the morning thinking about flying pigs.

This is just a quick dispatch to tell you that I was working on a blog post (no, not this one), and it had been dragging on all morning. Not sure why. Maybe, I thought, I'm distracted by the economy. But, no, that's not it. I haven't been all that worried because the way I figure: if all heck breaks loose in the markets, we'll all be sunk -- and there's no comfort like company.

Then I thought: maybe I'm too excited about tonight's vice presidential debate (now that's my kind of sporting event!) to focus. But this presidential contest has been going on for over a year, and I've managed to get plenty of other things accomplished. So scratch that.

Is it the leaky plumbing in my new house? Goodness knows I don't want a mold problem. Could be, I guess. Is it that today's my birthday? Maybe. I did spend a few minutes this morning dreaming of what I would buy for myself if someone gifted me $10,000 (top candidate: a new, high-efficiency furnace).

Then, I thought: maybe its just plain, old-fashioned restlessness. You know, the stare-into-space-for-no-reason-at-all-despite-your-best-efforts-to-focus kind of day. The day when you try to get to the point (of your blog post, your work project, your dirty dishes, you name it) but nothing helps.

These days strike once in a while, and, in my experience, there isn't much we can do to hurry them along. They serve some purpose, I've decided. Maybe it's the brain's way of taking charge and mandating a break from our continual multitasking. Maybe it's the only way our brains can get a vacation from our usual high-speed routines.

Whatever it is, I've been trying not to get upset at myself for what I perceive as lack of ambition and focus (which is my tendency). Instead, I've been trying to expand my definition of success beyond productivity and "getting things done." I'm trying think of taking a break, staring into space, pondering everything and nothing all at once, as just as necessary as being productive.

And, look: I managed to produce something anyway -- this blog post. Giving in to my distraction netted me the result I hoped to achieve in the first place. Sure, it's not the first post I started to write, but it's probably better than the original one I couldn't get off the ground.

What a 90-pound Slab of Butter Can Teach Us About Happiness

By / September 2008

Okay, I admit it: I tried the deep-fried chocolate chip cookies. Whatever negative impact that had on my arterial health was offset by the pure joy of spending the day at the Fair. 

The State Fair was fantastic. I still can't exactly explain the Fair's appeal (see my previous post), but on my recent visit I took note of some factors that, I suspect, contribute to it's fantastic-ness. I also tried to find some wisdom hidden in these factors -- some bit of advice we can extrapolate from the State Fair experience and apply to the remaining 50 weeks of the year. Here's what struck me:

No one at the Fair is stressed out. The Fair is a celebration -- of summer, of hard work (prize-winning preserves, anyone?), of agricultural dexterity (the biggest pumpkins and the sweetest apples!), of giddy, rollicking fun (the rides, the games, the prizes!) -- and stress has trouble gaining traction amid so much joy. In fact, I have begun to suspect that stressing out at the Fair is a physical impossibility. So what's the take-home wisdom? Feeling relaxed isn't just the opposite of avoiding stress. It's about the active pursuit of joy -- and, of course, the celebration of the world's best strawberry jam!

You can't be ironic at the Fair. The Fair is full of kitschy stuff and it's tempting to take an ironic view: "This crop art is good precisely because it's soooo bad!" But irony dies at the State Fair entrance gates. For whatever reason, the Fair is something you can't help but genuinely love, kitsch or not, and I think that authenticity of feeling contributes to the joy of the Fair. Take-away wisdom? It's important to be passionate -- without qualification or apology -- about the things you enjoy and genuinely take pleasure in. Love cross-stitch and quilting? Embrace them! Think weeding the garden by hand is the most satisfying way to spend a Saturday afternoon? Be proud! Prefer alone time to the company of others? Don't apologize! Just because contemporary culture can find the joke in any situation doesn't always mean it should. We're allowed to love what we love -- and when we're out and proud about what we love, we tend to enjoy our lives a lot more.

The Fair is real, interactive and shared. At the Fair, we participate: we're a foot away from the cow giving birth; we walk through and touch the sustainable fabrics and earth-friendly flooring in the eco-building; we're on hand to watch a sculptor standing in a room-sized, glass-walled cooler carve the bust of Princess Kay of the Milky Way out of a 90-pound slab of butter. We're not watching it happen on TV, or reading about it on a blog, or playing it in a video game. Part of what makes the Fair magical is that we're really there, experiencing the experience --smelling the deep fried everything, touching the cotton candy, petting the baby piglets -- in a way we can't electronically. Thousands of other happy people are there, too, which only heightens the joy, in so much as joy is contagious and most things are better shared. In a world where electronic diversions and passive entertainments often rule the day, real experiences enrich our lives that much more. The takeaway? Turn off the TV, take off the ear phones, log off the computer and go do something. Adopt a community garden. Go hiking at the nearby park. Make friends with neighbors at the local coffee shop. Volunteer at a pre-school, or animal shelter, or art museum (whatever most inspires you). There's a joy in being part of something -- of participating -- that can never be replicated in pixels.

Did Someone Say Deep Fried Snickers on a Stick?

By / August 2008

I love the Minnesota State Fair, which is weird, because, in isolation, every individual component of the Fair is one that I despise. I mean, please! The large crowds, the transfats, the smell of livestock. And I swear you can get Hepatitis C just by looking at the carnival rides.

Yet, inexplicably, the Fair is one of my favorite events of the year. I cannot explain why. Maybe it is the unbridled conviviality. Maybe it is the late August days, languid without being melancholy (a rare feat, I find). Maybe it is the fantastic crop art (It really IS amazing); or the 90-pound butter sculptures of Princess Kay of the Milky Way; or the prize-winning banana breads and jams and flower arrangements and pumpkins and you name it. And maybe, just maybe, it's the deep-fried pickles on a stick, though I wouldn't know since I would never eat something so unhealthy. Ahem.

What do you find inexplicably happy-making? Whatever it is, I say make it a small (or big!) part of your day today. The hectic pace and perma-stress of modern life often crowds out life's giddy little joys. So before the more serious and scholarly mindset of autumn rolls around -- and we roll back our sleeves and set our minds to big projects and prepare for winter  -- sneak out of your obligations for an afternoon and do something giddy and silly and wonderful.

You won't regret it. And if your indulgence happens to be the same as mine, I'll meet you at Sweet Martha's cookie stand. But I'm not splitting my bucket of cookies. You'll have to get your own! (Not, of course, that I would know what those unhealthy cookies taste like. I mean, please!).

Make a Political Statement -- Take a Nap

By / July 2008

At the rate The Squirrel (above) naps, she's the most political dog in the world.

True to my last post, and with the idea of vacations and taking a break on my mind (see my last post), I headed up the block to TeaSource for a cup of afternoon tea. While I was en route, a car drove past with the following bumper sticker: "The most radical thing a woman can do is rest when she is tired."

How apropos! And what a great perspective: resting as a political act, as taking a stand against our culture of perpetual inertia and constant productivity. Napping isn't just for the tired anymore! It's the pursuit of the true reformer and activist. So, good citizens -- women and men -- take a stand against being overworked and harried! Do something radical! Take a nap!

Why You Should Take a Vacation

By / July 2008

I spent a week on the North Shore in April. (Photo credit: Rambling Traveler; licensed under the Creative Commons)

Blogging is blogging because it's casual, relevant and frequent. As in, it happens regularly. As in, twice a week. Or once a week. Or several times a day.

Recently I've fallen short in the frequency department. Here's how I fell off the wagon: a holiday weekend (July 4th) hit, followed by a day or two of vacation, followed by a busy time in the production schedule when I was back at work, followed up by a dismaying few days of underinspiration and general lack of interesting things to say (one could argue that this period is not yet over... ahem).

So today, with a little more time in my schedule, my natural instinct was to start feeling guilty about my lapse. But lately I've been working to fight my natural propensity for guilt, so I began to look for a positive perspective on my long stretch of silence -- and I found it in the importance of vacations.

Now, granted, I was not vacating the office the whole time I was asleep in the blogosphere. But the holiday weekend did kick off my extended stretch, and summer is one of the classic vacation times. So what better time to think about the necessity of vacations?

In March, we ran a story on the critical importance of vacations -- and how our culture doesn't recognize or support the regular taking of them (read No-Vacation Nation here). In short, the story recounted how vacations are necessary not just for health and happiness, but also for success and productivity. Yet we Americans take far too few of them. Another seminal point in the story is that when many of us DO take vacation, we take some work -- maybe a laptop or our blackberry -- with us.

We don't ever truly vacate from our duties and responsibilities. We're always connected -- dizzyingly so -- with our work, our to-do lists, our daily tasks, our online audience, be it comprised of one reader (Hi, Aunt!) or 100,000. We rarely, if ever, fully step out of our daily routines.

Yes, it's in our cultural DNA to work round the clock -- our country was built on the idea of hard work and ritual sacrifice. But it's in the best interest of our health to take a break now and then. And not just by turning off the phone for an evening. We need to really disconnect, get away, take more than a long weekend. These longer breaks give us the opportunity both to reconnect with our true selves (who we are as human beings as opposed to human doings) as well as with family, health, dreams, goals, sleep, leisure, and joy.

I stumbled across a recent New York Times article on the exhaustion (sometimes deadly) of round the clock blogging -- and, indeed, it would seem that, as the author Matt Richtel suggests, 24/7 blogging and continual connectivity is the 21st Century sweatshop. The digital dawn has made our lives easier in many respects, but it also asks us to pay for that ease with our time and near constant attention.

While I'm not in any way comparing myself to those fevered 24/7 bloggers -- hardly! -- I think with the completion of this post I'll take a mini-vacation break for tea and a bowl of raspberries in whole milk. And you, having just read this post, should turn off the computer and do the same.

Free Cup of Coffee (with strings attached)

By / June 2008

My free cup didn't have whip cream. Sigh. Maybe I'd have drunk it if it did. (Photo credit: Scott Beale / Laughing Squid)

Having woken up late (per the usual), skipped breakfast and hair washing (sorry, aesthetics), I was flying to work one day last week when I realized that I wouldn't make it through my morning meeting if I didn't get something to eat. So I breezed into an upscale chain bakery that happened to be en route.

Me to Cashier: I'll have one of those buttery, quiche-y, egg-and-spinach-y things to go.

Cashier: Comin' up! Would you like a cup of coffee with that? We're giving away a small cup of coffee with the purchase of buttery, quiche-y, egg-and-spinach-y things!!!

Me (desperate for a cup of coffee, but having just spied the stack of Styrofoam to-go cups from which, on (health) principle, I do not drink): No, thanks. I'm okay.

Cashier (undeterred): C'mon it's free! I'll get you a cup!!

Me (lying): No, no. I've had too much this morning already. But, thanks.

Cashier: Nonsense! There's no such thing as too much caffeine -- and it's free! Here! Here's your free cup! Take it, it's free!

Me: . . .

Cashier (beaming): . . .

This free cup of coffee should have made my morning, right? Been a bright spot in an otherwise routine day? I mean, what kind of loser gets depressed when they get something for free?

Well, I was depressed. So by my own logic I concluded I was a loser and just got on with my commute. But later I thought about it more, and something dawned on me: right from the start, my free cup of coffee was far from free.

First off, the cup was made of polystyrene foam, a dangerous synthetic material that has been known to leech toxic materials into the beverages it contains (polystyrene contains benzene, a known human carcinogen). The stuff also takes over 900 years to biodegrade and causes starvation in marine wildlife (polystyrene is one of the most ubiquitous marine pollutants). What's more, producing polystyrene is a huge energy hog. That adds up to a pretty steep environmental and personal health cost for a "free" cup of coffee.

Next, there was the cost to my newly clean car. After I poured the coffee on the grass, the cup was about to become free-floating garbage in my beleaguered Subaru. This seems like a small cost in the grand scheme of things, I know. But stuff adds up, and it takes a psychic toll (especially if, like me, your car tends to serve manifold functions, including purse/lunch cart/storage unit/roving Dumpster). This cup = more stuff = more psychic toll. (The high number of consumer products produced today also takes an environmental toll. Check out the great interactive video, The Story of Stuff, for a clear-eyed picture of the life cycle of stuff.)

Another cost of my free cup of coffee? My annoyance at my inability to refuse it. I felt like I'd been forced into the free coffee, but in reality, most cases of feeling forced into something are really cases of us having said yes despite our wish to say no. So then I became annoyed with myself for having not stuck to my guns and said no. Then I became doubly annoyed that such a simple thing should be so hard to say no to, and then I became triply annoyed that boundaries and limitations and being clear are such hard things to master. I'm an adult, for goodness sake. How hard is it to set a boundary with the bakery counter guy?

I've read that getting better at saying no takes practice (read more on how to say no here), and that the best place to start practicing is in low-stakes settings like, say, a bakery. Sigh. I guess I need more practice. So I'm heading back to the bakery tomorrow, but just in case I still can't refuse, I'm bringing my own refillable mug. Then, at least, good coffee won't go to waste.

More Small, Good Things -- Friday, May 23

By / May 2008

These happy-making annuals are headed to my garden.

In continuation of my effort to re-brand Fridays as Small Good Things Recognition Day, here are some small goodnesses from this week.

Jamie commented last week that her one of her small, great joys is sitting outside reading a book. Hooray to that! And now that it's spring, the weather is perfect.

MizFit, who I just found out is buying me a Luminous Virtual Window for my windowless office -- ahem -- wrote to say that her dog's chiclet-looking hilarious teeth (MizFit, will you send a picture? Pretty please?!) and her daughter's tiny hands as they complete a task both make her happy. Indeed, isn't watching a child navigate the world anew such a brilliant and wonderful thing! And don't get me started on canine-generated happinesses. We'll be here all day. Here a few other small happinesses for this Friday:

1. The impending holiday weekend -- The Sundays in long weekends are primo days: you get Saturday to unwind and Monday to recover. Sunday is just full-throttle relaxation. Hooray!

2. Lilacs in bloom -- Oh, the sweet smell and gentle colors. It's goodness on branches.

3. The sense of national unity engendered by American Idol -- Culturally and politically, we're a pretty divided country. But we all admire David Cook's voice and want to pinch David Archuleta's cheeks. I say hooray to anything that can bring about national consensus (albeit pop cultural).

4. Caffeine -- Bless you, caffeine. You have gotten me through another week.

5. Bight colored annuals -- Spring has sprung! If a small, good thing knocks on your door this week, let me know. Happy Memorial Day, everyone!

Small, Good Things

By / May 2008

Dolly brings happiness wherever she goes.

Some psychologists have hypothesized that we're often so busy looking for the "big" happiness in our lives (you know, that abiding feeling of contentment, success, fulfillment and security that will make everything okay forever but which never arrives? Yeah, that one.), that we miss all the little happinesses that accrue every day, and, in the process, further erode our chances of feeling happy. Nasty cycle.

So I think Fridays should be Small Happiness Appreciation Day, when we list out and celebrate the small, good things that brighten our lives beneath the radar. I'll start.

1. Burt's Bees Lip Gloss (color: cocoa) -- It's shiny and dewy and all-natural. Plus, it's cheap and whenever I put it on I feel like a movie star. (Pretend you don't know that Burt's Bees is now owned by Clorox.)

2. Cedar Summit Chocolate Milk drunk straight from the bottle -- This incomparable chocolate milk comes in an old-fashioned glass bottle. Every time I take a big swig from the bottle, I am filled with pure, kid-like joy. (Also, if you drink Cedar Summit before bed, you will dream the primary-colored, Golden-Retriever-filled dreams of a third-grader all night long.)

3. Chai -- Chai tea manages to simultaneously taste like your rural country home, Nepal, and Thanksgiving. I like mine spicier and earthier than most commercial brands (too sweet for me). If you do too, you should try Mischief Maker Chai. A mug of Mischief Maker warms the soul.

4. Comedy that makes comedians laugh -- I love watching professional comedians crack up. These are comedy pros, and when something amuses them, it doubly amuses me. Watch Ellen Degeneres bust up while she talks to Gladys from Texas (if you're pressed for time, just go to minute 2:20 and watch for 30 seconds).

5. Dog lips -- Enough said.

 


6. Dogs with pirate casts -- Ditto.

 



7. Tulips -- They mean spring. And spring means warmer weather and sun. And sun means I feel human again.

 

Photo taken this morning in my very own garden!

8. Watching Halvo do those crazy pull-ups with the extra weights -- I'm not so much jealous as I am in awe. The human body can do this? Wow. And, again: Wow.

9. Dolly Parton -- Dolly Parton is an angel sent from heaven. Burn a CD of some of her greatest hits today and listen to it on your commute home. When you get to Eagle When She Flies, crank the volume, roll down the windows and sing along. I challenge you not to cry (the good kind of cry) by the end of the song. Put song on repeat until you're parked in your driveway. What small good things make you happy on a Friday? I'm going to gather ideas for next Friday's post

Resistance is Futile

By / May 2008

Prince Fielder slugs it out in the land of bratwurst. I’m talented at a good many things, but I’ve only truly mastered one particular skill: resistance. I resist change. I resist exercise. I resist giving up chocolate milk and cookies (you can read more about my lingering bad habits here). I resist following my creative impulses, and going to bed earlier, and getting up earlier, and giving up spending so much money on ornate garden trellises (don’t ask). So when I read that Prince Fielder, the 265-pound first baseman for the Milwaukee Brewers, overcame his resistance to change and became a vegetarian (he’s the first “out vegetarian” in baseball), I was impressed and inspired. Here’s a guy deeply immersed in sports culture, playing baseball in the state where bratwurst was born, saying no to meat. The article I spotted, “"Meat is Out at Fielder's Plate,” was all about the resistance he’s now encountering from tailgating fans, who started shouting gems like “C’mon Prince, eat some brats — sauté them in a little Miller Lite!” at games. Fielder is fighting whatever internal resistance he may have had plus the wild-eyed resistance of hundreds of thousands of hardcore fans. Steven Pressfield, the author of The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles, says that, more or less, the way to win the battle with resistance is to show up for it — every day. Say you finally want to write that novel: Then everyday at a certain time, you pull up a chair and just start writing. It doesn’t have to be good or even coherent. It doesn’t matter if you’re idealess that morning, or sick, or hungover, or it’s the first day of Macy’s White Sale, or your mother-in-law is coming over later and you’re so filled with dread that you “just can't do it.” You sit down and write something anyway, crap or not. And that, says Pressfield, is how it gets done. In short, overcoming resistance takes presence and perseverance. And if we’re lucky enough to be able to persevere and overcome resistance without mobs of people shouting, “Beer brats are the breakfast of champions!” so much the easier. I'm currently working on trying to go to bed a bit earlier and wake up earlier. I'm proud to report that this morning I was out of bed 15 minutes earlier than usual! Sure, it was because my one of my dogs threw up and I was on cleaning duty, but I'm still taking credit. PS: Fielder became a vegetarian after reading about the inhumane treatment of chicken and cattle and getting, in his words, "totally grossed out." That's what happened to me nearly a decade ago when I gave up meat. But now my reasons have expanded to include the environment. The production of meat requires a huge number of resources and energy, and it involves intensive and unsustainable agricultural practices that promote monoculture crops. According to 2006 United Nations report, meat production is considered one of the largest contributors to environmental degradation worldwide. So if you were looking for one more good reason for giving up meat, now you can add "saving the world" to your list.

The Financial Incentive to Clear Your Clutter

By / April 2008

Decluttering is good feng shui. In the spring, I clean. I start the process with visions of an immaculate, nearly empty Zen-like home (Interestingly, the soon-to-be-clean house in my imagination also has all-new, sleek and modern furniture; a new set of nonshedding, nondrooling pets; and, for the first time in my adult life, sophisticated curtains not purchased at Ikea), but I end the process overwhelmed, half done, and hiding in the garden to avoid having to lug any more crap to the Dumpster. Then, last week, I read the old classic Clear Your Clutter with Feng Shui by Karen Kingston (Broadway, 1999) in search for some last minute motivation — and boy did I find it. Kingston devotes a section of the book to calculating how much clutter can cost you financially (what’s a better motivator than the bottom line?). Herewith, from Kingston:

What does it actually cost you to keep the stuff? Sometimes when all other reasoning has failed, it is the simple financial mathematics that brings people to their senses about their clutter. Let’s do some sums. Go into each room of your home and estimate the percentage of space that is taken up by things you rarely or never use. Be very honest with yourself as you do this process. If you want the blatant truth, include everything you don’t absolutely love or haven’t used in the last year…In an average-sized home, you may end up with a list that looks something like this: 1. Entrance/foyer — 5 percent 2. Sitting room — 10 percent 3. Dining room — 10 percent 4. Kitchen — 30 percent 5. Bedroom 1 — 40 percent 6. Bedroom 2 — 25 percent 7. Junk room — 100 percent 8. Bathroom — 15 percent 9. Basement — 90 percent 10. Attic — 100 percent 11. Garden shed — 60 percent 12. Garage — 80 percent Total Clutter 565 percent Now divide the total by the number of areas. 565 percent divided by 12 areas = average 47 percent junk per room! So, in this example, the cost of storing clutter works out to a staggering 47 percent of the cost of the rent or mortgage for your home.

Needless to say, I have been in the basement emptying old college papers and grade-school art projects nonstop for a week.

How to Save Money and Stay Healthy in a Clunky Economy

By / April 2008

Baking soda will bring world peace. The economy’s crummy. Money’s tight. Here are some healthy ways to spread your dollars: 1. Use Baking Soda for Everything. Seriously. — It wasn’t long ago that people used baking soda for everything around the house. And I mean everything. Then devilish marketers arrived on the scene and sold us on supposedly higher power, often highly toxic, and way more expensive substitutes. But baking soda has all the power you need — and best of all, it’s natural, nontoxic and cheap, cheap, cheap! Here are a small fraction of the many uses for baking soda:

Clean countertops, sinks, bathtubs, and crusty dishes — Baking soda is mildly abrasive and, with a bit of water, dissolves grease and dirt. Keep a cup filled with baking soda by the kitchen and bathroom sinks so it’s always handy. (Consider buying aluminum-free baking soda for the hot bath and for baking.) Clean yourself — Baking soda cleans hands and nails and softens cuticles. Again put a dish filled with baking soda near the sink and use as hand soap. Or dip a nail brush into the bowl and scrub away that post-gardening grit. Add a cup of baking soda to your next bath, too. It softens the skin and helps detoxify. Get Beautiful — Mix 3 parts baking soda with one part water and it becomes an exfoliating face scrub. Also use on elbows to remove rough skin. Wash the Dog — Sprinkle some on Fido, rub in with your hands, then brush well. He’ll have that new dog smell all over again. Remove Little Sally’s permanent marker art mural — mix baking soda with toothpaste and watch the magic. Check out this real life test run captured on video.

2. Discover Borax — A mineral compound, borax is a natural, nontoxic every powder (much like baking soda). It works as a water softener when added to the laundry; its great for hand-washing delicates; it’s safe for washing cloth diapers; it’s the best toilet bowl cleaner I’ve stumbled across; it keeps the garbage pail smelling fresh (add a couple tablespoosn to the bottom of the pail); and it makes a great carpet stain remover: blot up whatever’s spilled, sprinkle Borax over the remaining stain, let dry and then vacuum up. The stain — and smell — disappears. A big box of borax retails at Target for around $2.69, give or take a dime. 3. Try vinegar — Another nontoxic household cleaner, vinegar removes mold from grout and plastic shower curtains. Mix it with water to make glass cleaner and then use crumpled newspapers to wash the windows (though don’t use the newspaper on, say, the TV screen). Newspaper is the best cloth you’ll ever use on your windows — no streaks, perfect shine. I know it seems counterintuitive at first, but you will be blown away by the difference. I guarantee. 4. Buy in bulk — At most supermarkets these days, you can buy food such as beans, seeds, rice, oatmeal, flour, grains, pasta and much, much more in bulk. Buying in bulk saves money and packaging. With bulk, you can buy only as many almonds as the recipe calls for and/or as much quinoa as you want so when you want to whip some up for under a stir-fry, you always have some on hand. 5. Improvise — Craft the things you need on your own, MacGyver-style. I’ve been collecting past-dated socks, stuffing them with table scraps, tying them in knots and, voila! Insta-dog toy! Or take an old, needs-to-be-recycled t-shirt, cut it into strips, braid it, and you’ve got another couple hours of doggy entertainment at the low, low price of zero dollars (dog toys at the store can cost up to $20 or more). Dog toys aren’t the only things that can be improvised. Look around at what you have, assess what you need, and see what you can devise! 6. Shop for local food and wares — Products that travel less distance to reach you are less dependent on the skyrocketing price of gas. See the recent EL article on how to shop for all things local. 7. Wash your clothes on cold, and lay off your dryer — I feel like it’s my god-given right as an American to use my dryer. Ahem. But that’s just the magic that marketing has worked on my poor, susceptible brain. Not only is the dryer really harsh on all my clothes, it costs A LOT to run. You’ll save on electricity by using an old-fashioned drying rack or an outdoor clothesline. Running the washing machine on hot is also a huge energy gobbler. Wash on cold and you’ll notice the difference when you get your electricity bill.

How to Tell What Your Spouse, Boss and Kids are Really Thinking

By / April 2008

Someone's nervous about what comes next.... I just finished reading The Definitive Book of Body Language by Allan and Barbara Pease (which, for a personal development book, is a real page-turner — the suspense of wondering what certain body movements reveal will keep you reading way past your bedtime!). Here’s what I learned: our bodies always betray our real feelings. Say you’re going to tell a kindhearted lie to a friend who asks if “these pants make my butt look big?” Your lips will say “No! Not at all!” But your body language will say, “Yeah, kinda” if that’s how you really feel. Authors Allan and Barbara Pease say people often ask them if they can learn to fake it — learn to mask their feelings of anxiety at a job interview, or to hide their jitters on a first date, or to cover up their interest or disinterest in someone they meet at a party. The answer is: Nope. Never fully. Here’s why: we’re animals. Our highly-developed brains know that we should strive to appear calm when, say, work meetings turn tense. Yet our bodies still respond on a primal level, giving off microsignals that say we’re frightened or feeling superior or are desperate to flee. And that’s how we get caught: People perceive we aren’t being fully truthful when our words and our bodies’ microsignals don’t match up. Our brains can spot the incongruence — and it’s that mismatch that gives rise to the visceral feeling that something just isn't right. Even people who practice can’t stifle all the microsignals — they still appear, however small, giving us the opportunity to discern someone’s deeper feelings if we’re paying attention. Yet most movements don’t require that much concentration on our part because most people let their bodies chatter away uncensored. The Peases write:

“Like any other species, we are still dominated by biological rules that control our actions, reactions, body language, and gestures. The fascinating thing is that the human animal is rarely aware that its postures, movements, and gestures can tell one story while its voice may be telling another.”

The good news here is that if you take some time to study up on body language, your own and others, you’ll be better able to perceive what others are really saying — and better aware of the signals you’re sending. The book is full of fascinating facts, figures and data, and I recommend it for anyone interested in becoming fluent in body language. Meanwhile, here’s a short guide, culled from the book, of some common body signals and what they mean. 1. Crossed Arms — Crossed arms show that a person doesn’t agree or isn’t interested in what’s being said and/or has a nervous, defensive or negative attitude. Crossed arms are a pretty obvious posture to decipher; the more interesting bit of news here, I think, is how the posturing also works in reverse. When you adopt a body position, such as crossing your arms, your mind tends to follow, which means that even if you weren’t feeling disinterested or defensive, if you cross your arms you’re likely to start feeling that way. Research conducted by the Peases found that students at a lecture who were instructed to listen to the lecturer with their arms crossed not only retained 38 percent less of the information being presented but also had more negative thoughts about the lecturer! The takeaway? If you want to be more receptive, uncross those arms! And if you find someone crossing their arms as you talk (likely indicating that they are closed off to what you’re saying), try getting them to uncross them. The Peases suggest offering the person a cup of coffee or handing them a piece of paper to get them to reach out of the crossed-arm position. If you can break them out of their posture, their mind is more likely to follow — and you’ve just helped them help themselves like you better! 2. The Coffee Cup Barrier — Speaking of coffee, where someone places their coffee cup immediately after taking a drink will tell you a lot about what they’re thinking. If they reach across their bodies to set the cup down (bringing their cup-holding arm in front of and across their bodies, creating a "single arm barrier"), they’re likely hesitant or unsure about what they’re hearing. When they place the cup straight down in front or to the side and away their body, they’re more open to what’s being said. (Cautionary note: always consider context when hunting for body language clues. Fort example, a person might be very accepting of what’s being said but their coaster is opposite their cup-holding hand. So when they put down their cup they won’t be saying “no way” so much as trying to avoid a water ring on their desk! Likewise, if it’s below freezing outside and someone is crossing their arms while you talk with them, they’re probably just cold.) 3. The Nose Touch — We touch our noses when we lie. Studies show the reason is physiological. The Peases refer a study by the Smell and Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago that found when we lie, our blood pressure increases. “Increased blood pressure inflates the nose and causes the nerve endings in the nose to tingle” resulting in an itchy feeling. So, naturally, we scratch it. And while some people will briskly scratch their noses back and forth several times, others, note the Peases, will make one “almost imperceptible” touch/scratch. So the move can be subtle, but it’s almost always there when we fib. A good high-profile example: Bill Clinton’s testimony during the Monica Lewinsky affair. Neurologist Alan Hirsch and psychiatrist Charles Wolf analyzed tapes of his testimony and found when he told the truth, he rarely touched his nose. When he lied, “he gave a split second frown before he answered and touched his nose once every four minutes for a grand total of twenty six nose touches.” (Note: Sometimes a nose itch is just a nose itch. If this is the case, scratches tend to be more deliberate, repetitive and out of context with the conversation, note the Peases. So, again, its all about context.) 4. Picking Imaginary Lint — “When a person disapproves of the opinions or attitudes of others but doesn’t want to say anything, displacement gestures are likely to occur, that is, primarily innocent body-language gestures that reveal a withheld opinion,” write the Peases. “Picking imaginary lint from one’s own clothing is one such gesture. The lint-picker usually looks down and away from others while performing this seemingly minor, irrelevant action. This is a common signal of disapproval and is a good sign that he doesn’t like what’s being said, even when he sounds as if he’s agreeing with everything.”

As Happy As You Think You Are

By / March 2008

Laine and her cat, Sylvia, just seem happy. Studies show they're miserable sots. Here’s what Harvard psychologist Daniel Gilbert has discovered about humans: Our memory (or our experience of the past) is malleable and often inaccurate. Our perception (or our experience of the present) is subjective and incomplete. And our imagination (or our experience of the future) is dangerously unreliable. In short, we’re terrible at accurately assessing what happened in the past, what’s happening in the present moment, and what will happen in the future. Basically, we have no idea what’s going on. Gilbert highlights these psychological findings in the context of the human search for happiness. He uses the evidence to support the thesis of his latest book: that humans are terrible at predicting what will make them happy. At first, the news made me despondent (If I have no hope of ever knowing what will make me happy, how will I ever be happy?) and kinda relieved (At least I don’t have to put in any more hard work on the happiness front! That means more TV for me which, let’s face it, seems to make me happy enough). But there’s an illogic to my initial reaction: just because we have trouble telling what will make us happy — even in the present moment — doesn’t mean we can’t and don’t ever experience happiness. We just have to work harder to recognize it when it’s happening. That’s the advice of the self-described pessimist and French psychiatrist/happiness scholar, Christophe Andre. He says we are often too frenzied and distracted to notice when we are happy and, hence, miss out on the experience of our happiness. The key, he says, is cultivating mindfulness, the ability to be truly present in the moment. It sounds so easy. But try putting it into practice and you discover it’s significant challenges. How often have you realized only after a party that you had a good time? What then? If your only experience of happiness is a memory of it, did you really experience happiness? And, per Gilbert’s research, if our memory is a sorry record keeper of our actual experiences, how can we trust it? And what were you thinking about/paying attention to during the party when you were supposedly so happy? What to make for dinner tomorrow night? Where Sally got those adorable shoes? Was what you just said to Susanne impolite? Were you really happy if your mind wasn’t fully engaged in the happy experience as it happened? Andre also says that happiness means accepting that we’re a gloomy lot to begin with — in terms of evolutionary biology, says Andre, our hunting and gathering ancestor’s survival depended on “a certain degree of concern. It was prudent to remain alert to dangers and problems, which is why we are geared to focus on the negative.” That’s a whole extra hurdle we have to jump to find more happiness. There’s a classic Calvin and Hobbes comic strip where Calvin is slumped in a chair watching TV when Hobbes walks by and asks him what he’s up to. Calvin responds, “I’m killing time waiting for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.” Calvin will be waiting a long time. Happiness, it turns out, is a lot of work.

I Don’t Have Time to Write This Blog.

By / February 2008

Laine's garden in happier [read: warmer] times. I’ve been meaning to put up a blog post for more than a week now, but I’ve been so busy working on an EL story on time and how we need more of it that I haven’t had the time. (There's a great story (not mine) on making time for vacations in the current issue of EL.) Beyond the inherent irony here, how depressing is this? It’s sad to preach something I can’t manage to practice. More than that, even, my time crunch also makes me want to utter (in complete earnest) one of the most cliched phrases on earth: “I wish there were more hours in the day!” How did I become the cliché I preach against? I guess the better question is: how could I have avoided it? Time shortages are a stalwart of today’s culture. It’s almost a badge of pride to continually be working. Even we who preach the importance of “making time” routinely ignore the message. “Yes, yes,” we say. “Of course we should all take vacations! And put the computer away at 5:30 pm and focus exclusively on family, or leisure, or creative pursuits! Even I’m going to do it, too.... right after I finish writing this article on why making time for our lives is important. Don’t wait up…” To break this mold — at least for right now on this Thursday afternoon at 1:46pm — here’s a list (rather than lengthy posts) of all are the interesting things I’ve been meaning to blog about if only I had the time. Probably works out better for you, too. Who has time to read all this stuff anyway? 1. If you are sick, for goodness sake, stay home. A recent New York Times story reports on the benefits to companies, employees, and (somewhat counterintuitively) our own productivity, when we actually stay home from work when we’re sick. Well, sure, you’re thinking, isn’t that what people already do? Perhaps some of us, but not everyone. In fact, recent studies have shown an increased trend in “presenteeism,” or the insistence on showing up at work or other events no matter the degree of one’s illness. (On a sidenote that will further reveal how disconnected I am from what I write about: I am in the office today and I’m sick. What kind of crackpot am I? To my credit (if I get any at this point), I was out sick the last two days and felt better this morning, came in and then felt worse all over again. Co-workers, I’m sorry. I’m going back home when I finish this post.) 2. Good food is thrilling. I interviewed celebrity chef Nathan Lyon this week. I’ve never met someone more excited about fresh, local food. Lyon is like a human mash note to good eating. (I had a work meeting directly following our interview. While I was in the meeting taking notes on my laptop, he sent me an email with a picture of the honey lemon tea soufflés he whipped up right after we got off the phone.) A side note: he offers some really useful tips and techniques on cooking basics on the website for his Discovery Health TV show A Lyon in the Kitchen. 3. I’m going to join a CSA this year. I’m giddy at the prospect of all that fresh produce showing up at my doorstep once a week. While I was looking for a CSA in my area (find one in any area in the country through Local Harvest), I discovered that there are fresh flower CSAs, too. Fresh, organic flowers from local growers once a week at my door? Too decadent to be true! To beautiful to ignore! I have this gut feeling that I should save my money for my poor dog’s physical therapy (I have a tripod). But wouldn’t the boost to my spirits from fresh weekly flowers be so powerful that it’s worth it? These flowers look so amazing I think they would even boost the dog’s spirits. 4. February in Minnesota is brutal. Long slog of winter be gone! The picture up top is of my humble garden in the peak of summer. I have it as wallpaper on my computer during February. Only one day to go 'til March.... 4b. Okay, so, for technical reasons that I don't understand, I can't get the picture of my garden to post. But in the spirit of going home before I get my coworkers sick (see item #1, above), I've decided to figure out how to post it tomorrow.

Happy Valentine’s Day

By / February 2008

However you’re spending Valentine’s — whether you’re looking for love, with the one you love, or with your roommate, a beet veggie burger and a bottle of wine (Go, Kaeti!) — here’s some new news on love: it gets better, lasts longer and is more passionate over the long haul if you engage in novel activities together as a couple, reports Tara Parker-Pope in "Reinventing Date Night for Long-Married Couples" in The New York Times (Februrary 12, 2008). So, tonight, give your loved ones the gift of novelty: pick a brand new restaurant and drive there via the scenic route. Or don’t go out to eat at all. Go skydiving, or karaoke-ing, or to the theater, or get out those board games you haven’t played in years. Your significant other will suddenly start seeming better than he or she already is!! …. Unless, of course, you and your mate have different diets. Here’s another Valentine’s-relevant story, “I Love You, But You Love Meat” from The New York Times (February 13, 2008). What happens when you’re a vegan and your partner is a voracious omnivore? Writer Kate Murphy explores the intersection between long-term love and what we eat.

How did I get here?

By / February 2008

Contented Chaos: Laine finds herself happily in the middle (and in need of a chiropractor). The Latin phrase, in medias res means, roughly, “in the middle of things” or “ in the middle of the story.” I love the phrase because it captures the way I almost always feel — that somehow the events and progress of my life have no beginnings or endings, that they’re happening on the hidden storyboards of my life without my consciousness, until, one day, I wake up and realize I’m smack in the middle of them. You know, it’s that feeling like: Whoa, I’m a grown up now, and I have a spouse and kids and a house and…. how did that happen? And you can never quite find a concrete answer — somehow it all just seems to have happened without your explicit knowledge or consent, somehow you were just dropped into your life in medias res? Often this what-have-I-gotten-myself-into? scenario is played for tragicomedy: the movie protagonist wakes up one day and realizes his marriage isn’t working, he’s gone bald and his kids hate him. His only waking thought is, “Ack! How did I get here?” And sometimes, sure, life can feel this way. Who hasn’t woken up on a Monday morning and felt the oppressive weight of another day? Job’s grown tedious. Household chores feel overwhelming. Dog ate your favorite shoes (Yes, Aidan, I’m talking to you.) (And, yes, vigorously-eye-rolling reader, I pretend my dog reads my blog.) But the opposite happens, too. In fact, more often than not I wake up strangely comforted by the dense, complex, often conflicted yet insanely delightful middle of my life. Because when I stop and really think hard about what I want in my life, I discover have it — a loving family, a cozy house, good health, my own washing machine, a garden plot, a warm cup of tea, an endless stack of good books, superior friends, creative pursuits, a small, warm place to bake. I feel happy and honored to be in the crazy, wonderful middle of my life. I wouldn’t choose anything else. Sure, sometimes the middle of life is chaotic (which is the whole raison d’etre for this blog). But even the chaos seems joyful when I step back and look at my life with a wide-angle lens. I don't ask myself, "How did I get here?" I ask, "Why would I ever leave?" I think, perhaps, the middle of our lives is the perfect place to be. Especially right now for yours truly — as I write this, I'm snarfing down Jamie's fantastic, homemade Valentine's treats (Jamie, you're endlessly talented!), listening to the best cover of a Don Henley song ever that Jen sent me (Jen, you have impeccable taste!). Who could ask for more?