Recently in Fun and Pleasure Category

The beginning of a new year is traditionally a time when people make a list of resolutions so they can get a fresh start at changing their lives for the better: Losing weight, signing up for classes, organizing their belongings -- the list goes on.

This year, instead of making my goals impossible to reach by trying to live up to an ideal (something I am not), I am getting real about who I am and what I want.

I will not, for instance, eliminate all the "fun" foods from my diet, so a resolution to never eat pizza again is unrealistic -- and definitely not what I want. Aerobics? I have never been crazy about running; it's just not my cup of tea. So instead of starting to jog three times a week, I'm making a commitment to find an aerobic workout that I know I will enjoy and want to do.

"Getting Real" is about loving myself. Loving myself is not about acceptance, compromise, or about acquiescing to my limitations. It's about finding myself perfect, just as I am. What I used to think were my imperfections, I now see as perfections:

Imperfection: I took three guitar lessons, practiced twice and quit. After some ballet lessons, I quit after making a mistake at a recital. I felt like a loser, a quitter and a failure.

Perfection: I did those things for as long as they were interesting, trying many things until I found what I wanted. I didn't waste time, sticking with something that didn't fulfill me. I have a wide variety of experiences, and had more time to do what I finally found fulfilling.

Imperfection: I could never stick to a diet for more than two weeks. I was continuously trying new ones. I judged myself as having no discipline or willpower.

Perfection: Trying every new diet and health regimen became my lifelong study in nutrition and health. I used my own body as a laboratory and found out  what really works.

Imperfection:  I have stiff joints. I would never be able to do yoga properly. I was not made right.

Perfection: I learned my joints are very strong, allowing me to become flexible without injury. It allowed me to learn quickly that yoga is not about the goals of the ego: The final posture is not what is important, but how well you do each stage of it.

Imperfection: I was a controlling person, wanting to do things in a very particular way. I thought of myself as a control freak and persnickity.

Perfection: I am very discriminating and capable. I trust my judgment and know what I want.

Imperfection: I would start talking and go on (and on) without a breath. I judged myself as tiring and long winded.

Perfection: I have spent my life practicing to be more articulate by conversing with friends and family that loved me enough to put up with it. I have many ideas I am passionate about and want to share.

Imperfection: I am overly excitable, uneasy and wired, which is very wrong.

Perfection: I am very enthusiastic and passionate. I bring life to the party, energy to projects and inspiration to others.

All of these add up to making me perfectly unique. I am not buying the advertising message that I will be right once I own that thing, make that goal, or accumulate that wealth. I am perfect just as I am.

As we move further into the New Year, I will continue to go for what I want and what I like. I have learned that if I honor my own unique desires, I will always have gratitude and appreciation for my life, and the abundance to share my happiness with others.

And that is real fulfillment.

In keeping with Experience Life 's "fun" theme this month, I'm inspired to write about my introduction to the idea of living life according to what brings me pleasure.

As a young adult, I was focused on survival: creating a career, developing skills, educating myself and raising children. Once my kids were on their own, my career was established, and I had a foundation of knowledge under my belt, I finally had time to put more attention on myself. Ah! The rewards of time passing were starting to pay off. I started consciously investing in my own happiness and quality of life. I found some great teachers and coaches who inspired me to start looking at things from different perspectives, and I was ready to experiment with new ways of living.

In 1995, I was asked by one of my teachers, "How about making fun the goal?" My response: "Sure, that sounds great!"

In truth, it actually sounded frivolous and irresponsible at first, but it was also very compelling. It certainly didn't seem like a challenge -- at least not while on vacation, a Friday night out or a weekend in the country. Those are the times I expect to have fun. But to live my whole life according to what's fun? That was quite a new concept.

I walked away with many questions: How would I accomplish anything? What about all the necessary things that have to get done? What about my commitments? Would I be wasting my life away living a lifestyle of fun?

And what about those tapes running in my head: "Keep your nose to the grind stone; no worky/no eaty; earn your reward"? Yes, the old American work ethic, the curse of the baby boomer. We may be revolutionaries, always rebelling against the status quo, but our social conditioning runs deep and has a very strong hold. Somehow this idea of living according to what was fun just didn't seem, well, right!

I continued contemplating this idea and realized that to have fun, I had to get invested in really thinking about what pleasured me. As I allowed myriad ideas to flash through my mind, I started to relax and enjoy myself. Just thinking about what would be fun and pleasurable was fun and pleasurable!

The next morning, I woke up asking myself what would create an amusing and delightful day. My mind drifted into a lovely scenario: a leisurely bath accompanied by my morning tea; a lunch date at a garden restaurant in the city; a walk in the park; planting spring flowers; and reading a celebrity gossip magazine while getting a pedicure.

"Am I dreaming?" I thought. "I have responsibilities, deadlines, errands, commitments and obligations! All those must-dos." OK, now this was becoming a serious challenge.

I proceeded to write a list of all those things that seemed so necessary -- and then, methodically, one by one, I eliminated them. When I boiled it down to what was truly essential, I had cleared the entire day!

By early evening, after my day of fun, I had more energy and enthusiasm for things on that "necessary" list that I surprisingly wanted to do.

Making pleasure my goal had eliminated the pressure of obligation, while doing what brought me pleasure shifted my approach. Instead of functioning from a place oriented in success and production, I discovered that with fun as the goal, I went about my business with a positive spirit and attitude. I was starting to get the hang of it!

I also discovered that, sometimes, it's simply a matter of making what I already have going on more fun. One day, for instance, I had to go to my storage locker to go through my belongings. My "pleasure coach" suggested I bring a friend, and my first thought was it that would be too distracting and make this chore I was resisting take much longer. At my coach's insistence, I reluctantly asked a friend to come along.

I was pleasantly surprised that the time flew by as we laughed and cried over our shared stories triggered by the collection of things I was organizing. The experience brought us closer together and made what could have been work, FUN! It turned a chore into a party.

Looking up fun in the dictionary led me to the description of hedonism, which dissolved my misconception that it was evil and something to fear:

Hedonism |ˈhēdnˌizəm| noun: the pursuit of pleasure; sensual self-indulgence; the ethical theory that pleasure (in the sense of the satisfaction of desires) is the highest good and proper aim of human life.

It feels good to be around people who are happy, gratified and content. I find if I go for what pleasures me, I am happier overall. Those endorphins and dopamine make you feel good, and those goodies come from doing what is fun and pleasurable. (See Experience Life's article, "A Real Pleasure," for more on this.)

If you're wondering how to jump-start your move toward living a more pleasure-oriented life, here are some suggestions.

• Experiment. The best way to start is to appreciate and enjoy what you already have. Allow yourself to fully take in the pleasure. Trust you will get the rewards (energy, enthusiasm, clarity) from doing so. As an unknown author once said, "It's a far, far better thing to have the ability to enjoy what you have than have the ability to get what you want."
• Slow down. At high speed, you miss so much of what is available to you. If you're a chronic rusher, you may also need to slow down enough to ever know what feels appealing to you.
• Breathe. Taking a few deep breaths will help you calm down and think more clearly.
• Notice what's around you to enjoy. Often, there's something interesting or beautiful or fun going on right under our noses.
• Tune into your senses, all five of them. Soak in the sensual pleasures and opportunities life has to offer.
• Make a point of creating an environment that is pleasing to each of your senses. At home, at work or wherever you spend time, look for ways to add comfort, beauty and reminders of the things you love and value and that make you feel good.

Here are some ways I have brought more pleasure into my daily life, keeping the five senses in mind:

• Touch: Choosing fabrics for my clothes, my bedding and my bathroom linens that feel good to my skin.
• Sight: Stopping during the day to notice the sky and the quality of light around me.
• Taste: Taking a breath and closing my eyes as I take the first bite of a meal.
• Sound: Listening to music while I am housecleaning.
• Smell: Burning scented candles, putting incense in my drawers, and making sure I have fresh air flowing through the house.

These are not revolutionary ideas, but once you start, it creates a domino effect for more and more pleasure to come into your life like magic. It's so common to rush through the day, week, month, even the year, trying to get to the fun, when all the while you could have the fun that's already here to have.

As one of my favorite sayings goes: "If you go for success, pleasure is 50/50. If you go for pleasure, success is guaranteed!" -Vic Baranco, "Things I've Heard Vic Say"