Recently in Fun and Pleasure Category

The Pleasure of Healthy Eating

By Cindy Joseph / February 2011

I just turned 60! As this milestone birthday approached, I thought carefully about how I wanted to celebrate. Since I prefer more intimate groups (I am not fond of being the center of attention at a huge party), I decided to plan many small gatherings.

The first celebration was a weekend in Hartford, Conn., with my partner and four close friends. The son of two of these friends is Jonathan Hudak, the Chef de Cuisine at Grants Restaurant in West Hartford; I wanted to mark the beginning of my seventh decade by partaking in all the sensual delights of his famous tasting menu.

Jonathan creates dishes that are carefully selected combinations of flavors and textures, and can take two to three days of preparation. The time, attention, focus and creativity that go into his creations make each dish a delectable, captivating adventure. He also choreographs the entire menu so that each dish complements and makes an introduction to the next. We made plans far in advance to make sure he had time to collect the variety of ingredients necessary for this gourmet extravaganza.

I also checked in with myself to make sure this was what I really wanted. "Am I, Cindy Joseph, a healthy-eating advocate, OK with indulging in a decadent, frivolous, butter- and cream-laden dream meal?" From past experience, I knew these were the perfect conditions to push my guilt and/or fear to the surface. I'm sure you're familiar with the head chatter that gets in the way of enjoyment: "This could not be good for me! Oh, I should never eat that! This is going to set off all my cravings! This could be the beginning of the end! Blah, blah, blah!"

I also knew that punishing myself by not truly enjoying my meal was the less healthy path. Over the years, I have learned that health is so much more than diet: It's a whole way of life, an entire approach toward self-image and living. (If you've read any of my past blog entries, you know I am a huge proponent of living life according to what pleasures me.)

The element of healthy eating that is most often overlooked is our attitude toward what we are eating. I say savor and enjoy every bite. Use all of your senses to experience everything you are eating. Take the time to appreciate all that went into the preparation of the meal. Feel the gratitude for the opportunity, that way your body will be at ease and full of joy as you take in the meal with pleasure.

My birthday meal was exactly that. The six of us were in ecstasy as we tasted each bite. We shared oo's and ahh's, and talked about the complexity of each dish and the myriad flavors we were experiencing. We drank in the aromas and delighted in all the different textures. We photographed each course, reveling in the beauty of each plating. All of our senses were open and ready for the entire adventure.

Here's a short selection of the menu we enjoyed (please keep in mind that this was a special occasion!):

Putting Fun First

By Cindy Joseph / July 2010

In the July/August "Zoom!" issue of Experience Life, I shared some of my favorite tips for simplifying my personal-care routines (read those here). But space is limited in print, and there are so many other areas of my life where I employ time- and labor-saving techniques, so I thought I'd offer a few more strategies here.

First, though, I should tell you that my mother taught me many organizational skills at a young age. She was structured and orderly in all that she did, and she practiced this efficiency to create more time to relax, telling me, "The lazy man invented the wheel."

While I've used these skills well throughout my life, I've tweaked her philosophy: For me, efficiency and organization are the most important ingredients in making any activity quick and easy -- and quick and easy translates to more time to play and have fun, which you know I'm all about!

Keeping that in mind, here are a few more ways I keep things simple:

• When hosting a party, I set up traffic patterns so moving from room to room and getting food and drink is a breeze for my guests. It creates a natural flow and obvious spaces for certain activities to occur (e.g., eating, socializing, relaxing). It also makes being the host more enjoyable -- instead of directing, it's like being a guest at your own event!
  
  
• I arrange my kitchen cupboards in such a way that I use the least amount of time and effort getting what I need together for a meal. I store the glasses, for instance, near the sink and fridge, and the cups near the tea kettle. I also do the dishes from right to left because I'm right handed and it feels most natural.
  
  
• I've streamlined bill paying by going paperless and setting up auto payments for loans and credit cards online.
  
  
• Whenever possible, I use Skype and video conferencing, which eliminate the need to travel for business meetings.
  
  
• I eat lots of fruit: It's healthy, comes in beautiful disposable packages and there's no preparation. I throw it in my backpack and take off for the day with a delicious meal. (To note: On the go, it's best to carry hard fruit like apples and oranges to prevent damage in transit; if you want something delicate like peaches or pears, put them in the outside pockets of your bag.)
  
  
• I've found a hairstyle I love that's low-maintenance -- no rollers and blow dryers required. When I get out of the shower, I simply let my hair air dry while I get other things ready for the day or even while I'm driving to my first appointment. It saves me up to an hour of grooming time.
  
  
• I create a place for everything I own, which helps make tidying up a relatively quick and painless chore.
  
  
• I text and email when I'm making plans with friends or colleagues instead of calling everyone involved individually. It eliminates all the excess discussion that's often involved in zeroing in on a time and place.  

I love finding ways to make things quick and easy. For me, it's a fun task in itself -- one that, in the end, creates time for even more fun!

What are your strategies? I'd love to hear about them!

Facing Fear Head On

By Cindy Joseph / May 2010

As a 50-plus-year-old model, I represent women of the baby boomer generation, which means I am often asked about my point of view on aging. I have pretty strong opinions about this (as you probably know if you've read any of my past blog entries or columns in Experience Life -- for those of you who haven't, see my first entry!), but I'm always curious about others' perspectives. I've heard all sorts of theories and philosophies, but I was caught off guard when, a few years back, a wise teacher of mine shared his thoughts. "Aging," he said to me, "is the addition of reasons we don't do things."

His statement initially struck me as odd, but the longer I thought about it, the truer I realized it was. All my life, I've heard myself and others make excuses for not doing things: I'm too tired, too clumsy, too embarrassed, too smart, too short, too tall, too weak, too strong, too scared, too old -- the list goes on.

I believe we allow ourselves these excuses because we're afraid to feel the fear that is lying underneath them -- it's how we convince ourselves that we cannot do or achieve whatever we're facing. While it may be trying to protect us, it's that internal voice that all too often prevents us from discovering something new and possibly wonderful, especially as we get older.

As children, we tried everything we possibly could, continuously exploring and discovering new things because we had yet not developed that sense of fear. As adults, we need to unearth that curious inner child because, truth be told, discovering is living.

Whenever I find myself being hesitant about something new, further self-exploration almost always exposes fear at the core of the resistance. I don't believe there is a way to overcome that fear; it simply is there. I do believe, however, that you can move forward in the face of it. So I muster up my courage and just do it -- like the day I graduated from my sky-diving course . . .

I had done the seven required free-fall jumps with my instructors, but in order to get my license, I had to go out solo. There I was, at the open plane door, all alone. Gripped by fear, all I could think about was how easy it would be to close the door and just sit down.

I stood in that moment, trying to decide what I would, should, could do, pondering all the possibilities and outcomes. And then, I let go of it all and let my body fall out of the plane.

I got my heading and looked around: I was in control of everything necessary. At that moment, with the fear behind me, I felt a calm inner joy of accomplishment, relief and peace. I was able to take in all the sensations of free falling. I was in control of my body, my equipment and my mind. If I had not moved forward in the face of that fear, I would have missed out on an intensely rewarding experience.

My example may be an extreme one, but the fear I faced is the same intense fear that can rule any situation -- asking for a raise, telling someone your feelings, embarking on a new adventure. It's the moment when you decide to move forward in the face of that fear, regardless of the situation, that you are choosing to live, not just survive.

The older I get, the more willing I've become to go in the direction of fear and move through my resistances. Sometimes it happens quickly, other times it's a longer process. But by facing my fears, I've discovered more joy, fun and adventure than I ever dreamed possible (as displayed in the photo above).

What fears have you faced head on? How did it feel? I'd love to hear your stories!

Getting Real

By Cindy Joseph / January 2010

The beginning of a new year is traditionally a time when people make a list of resolutions so they can get a fresh start at changing their lives for the better: Losing weight, signing up for classes, organizing their belongings -- the list goes on.

This year, instead of making my goals impossible to reach by trying to live up to an ideal (something I am not), I am getting real about who I am and what I want.

I will not, for instance, eliminate all the "fun" foods from my diet, so a resolution to never eat pizza again is unrealistic -- and definitely not what I want. Aerobics? I have never been crazy about running; it's just not my cup of tea. So instead of starting to jog three times a week, I'm making a commitment to find an aerobic workout that I know I will enjoy and want to do.

"Getting Real" is about loving myself. Loving myself is not about acceptance, compromise, or about acquiescing to my limitations. It's about finding myself perfect, just as I am. What I used to think were my imperfections, I now see as perfections:

Imperfection: I took three guitar lessons, practiced twice and quit. After some ballet lessons, I quit after making a mistake at a recital. I felt like a loser, a quitter and a failure.

Perfection: I did those things for as long as they were interesting, trying many things until I found what I wanted. I didn't waste time, sticking with something that didn't fulfill me. I have a wide variety of experiences, and had more time to do what I finally found fulfilling.

Imperfection: I could never stick to a diet for more than two weeks. I was continuously trying new ones. I judged myself as having no discipline or willpower.

Perfection: Trying every new diet and health regimen became my lifelong study in nutrition and health. I used my own body as a laboratory and found out  what really works.

Imperfection:  I have stiff joints. I would never be able to do yoga properly. I was not made right.

Perfection: I learned my joints are very strong, allowing me to become flexible without injury. It allowed me to learn quickly that yoga is not about the goals of the ego: The final posture is not what is important, but how well you do each stage of it.

Imperfection: I was a controlling person, wanting to do things in a very particular way. I thought of myself as a control freak and persnickity.

Perfection: I am very discriminating and capable. I trust my judgment and know what I want.

Imperfection: I would start talking and go on (and on) without a breath. I judged myself as tiring and long winded.

Perfection: I have spent my life practicing to be more articulate by conversing with friends and family that loved me enough to put up with it. I have many ideas I am passionate about and want to share.

Imperfection: I am overly excitable, uneasy and wired, which is very wrong.

Perfection: I am very enthusiastic and passionate. I bring life to the party, energy to projects and inspiration to others.

All of these add up to making me perfectly unique. I am not buying the advertising message that I will be right once I own that thing, make that goal, or accumulate that wealth. I am perfect just as I am.

As we move further into the New Year, I will continue to go for what I want and what I like. I have learned that if I honor my own unique desires, I will always have gratitude and appreciation for my life, and the abundance to share my happiness with others.

And that is real fulfillment.

The Pleasure Way of Life

By Cindy Joseph / August 2009

In keeping with Experience Life 's "fun" theme this month, I'm inspired to write about my introduction to the idea of living life according to what brings me pleasure.

As a young adult, I was focused on survival: creating a career, developing skills, educating myself and raising children. Once my kids were on their own, my career was established, and I had a foundation of knowledge under my belt, I finally had time to put more attention on myself. Ah! The rewards of time passing were starting to pay off. I started consciously investing in my own happiness and quality of life. I found some great teachers and coaches who inspired me to start looking at things from different perspectives, and I was ready to experiment with new ways of living.

In 1995, I was asked by one of my teachers, "How about making fun the goal?" My response: "Sure, that sounds great!"

In truth, it actually sounded frivolous and irresponsible at first, but it was also very compelling. It certainly didn't seem like a challenge -- at least not while on vacation, a Friday night out or a weekend in the country. Those are the times I expect to have fun. But to live my whole life according to what's fun? That was quite a new concept.

I walked away with many questions: How would I accomplish anything? What about all the necessary things that have to get done? What about my commitments? Would I be wasting my life away living a lifestyle of fun?

And what about those tapes running in my head: "Keep your nose to the grind stone; no worky/no eaty; earn your reward"? Yes, the old American work ethic, the curse of the baby boomer. We may be revolutionaries, always rebelling against the status quo, but our social conditioning runs deep and has a very strong hold. Somehow this idea of living according to what was fun just didn't seem, well, right!

I continued contemplating this idea and realized that to have fun, I had to get invested in really thinking about what pleasured me. As I allowed myriad ideas to flash through my mind, I started to relax and enjoy myself. Just thinking about what would be fun and pleasurable was fun and pleasurable!

The next morning, I woke up asking myself what would create an amusing and delightful day. My mind drifted into a lovely scenario: a leisurely bath accompanied by my morning tea; a lunch date at a garden restaurant in the city; a walk in the park; planting spring flowers; and reading a celebrity gossip magazine while getting a pedicure.

"Am I dreaming?" I thought. "I have responsibilities, deadlines, errands, commitments and obligations! All those must-dos." OK, now this was becoming a serious challenge.

I proceeded to write a list of all those things that seemed so necessary -- and then, methodically, one by one, I eliminated them. When I boiled it down to what was truly essential, I had cleared the entire day!

By early evening, after my day of fun, I had more energy and enthusiasm for things on that "necessary" list that I surprisingly wanted to do.

Making pleasure my goal had eliminated the pressure of obligation, while doing what brought me pleasure shifted my approach. Instead of functioning from a place oriented in success and production, I discovered that with fun as the goal, I went about my business with a positive spirit and attitude. I was starting to get the hang of it!

I also discovered that, sometimes, it's simply a matter of making what I already have going on more fun. One day, for instance, I had to go to my storage locker to go through my belongings. My "pleasure coach" suggested I bring a friend, and my first thought was it that would be too distracting and make this chore I was resisting take much longer. At my coach's insistence, I reluctantly asked a friend to come along.

I was pleasantly surprised that the time flew by as we laughed and cried over our shared stories triggered by the collection of things I was organizing. The experience brought us closer together and made what could have been work, FUN! It turned a chore into a party.

Looking up fun in the dictionary led me to the description of hedonism, which dissolved my misconception that it was evil and something to fear:

Hedonism |ˈhēdnˌizəm| noun: the pursuit of pleasure; sensual self-indulgence; the ethical theory that pleasure (in the sense of the satisfaction of desires) is the highest good and proper aim of human life.

It feels good to be around people who are happy, gratified and content. I find if I go for what pleasures me, I am happier overall. Those endorphins and dopamine make you feel good, and those goodies come from doing what is fun and pleasurable. (See Experience Life's article, "A Real Pleasure," for more on this.)

If you're wondering how to jump-start your move toward living a more pleasure-oriented life, here are some suggestions.

• Experiment. The best way to start is to appreciate and enjoy what you already have. Allow yourself to fully take in the pleasure. Trust you will get the rewards (energy, enthusiasm, clarity) from doing so. As an unknown author once said, "It's a far, far better thing to have the ability to enjoy what you have than have the ability to get what you want."
• Slow down. At high speed, you miss so much of what is available to you. If you're a chronic rusher, you may also need to slow down enough to ever know what feels appealing to you.
• Breathe. Taking a few deep breaths will help you calm down and think more clearly.
• Notice what's around you to enjoy. Often, there's something interesting or beautiful or fun going on right under our noses.
• Tune into your senses, all five of them. Soak in the sensual pleasures and opportunities life has to offer.
• Make a point of creating an environment that is pleasing to each of your senses. At home, at work or wherever you spend time, look for ways to add comfort, beauty and reminders of the things you love and value and that make you feel good.

Here are some ways I have brought more pleasure into my daily life, keeping the five senses in mind:

• Touch: Choosing fabrics for my clothes, my bedding and my bathroom linens that feel good to my skin.
• Sight: Stopping during the day to notice the sky and the quality of light around me.
• Taste: Taking a breath and closing my eyes as I take the first bite of a meal.
• Sound: Listening to music while I am housecleaning.
• Smell: Burning scented candles, putting incense in my drawers, and making sure I have fresh air flowing through the house.

These are not revolutionary ideas, but once you start, it creates a domino effect for more and more pleasure to come into your life like magic. It's so common to rush through the day, week, month, even the year, trying to get to the fun, when all the while you could have the fun that's already here to have.

As one of my favorite sayings goes: "If you go for success, pleasure is 50/50. If you go for pleasure, success is guaranteed!" -Vic Baranco, "Things I've Heard Vic Say"