Just Cindy

Cindy on KARE 11 TV With Holiday Makeup Tips

2011-12-02T16:15:24Z

"I find that women of every age, when they are turned on to life, when they're excited, when their circulation revs up, when they're blushing: they look their most attractive."
-- Cindy Joseph

Video courtesy of KARE 11 TV

Excellence in Westchester

2011-08-24T13:39:08Z

For years, I believed that New York City was the only place I could find the best of anything. From specialty stores to restaurants, clothing stores to fitness trainers, NYC was it.

I moved to Yonkers in 1999, looking for the benefits of living outside the city. Within the first few days of landing in suburbia, I was waking to the delightful song of birds outside my bedroom window. In the evenings, I was relaxing to the soothing rhythm of crickets. And after just a few weeks, I was chatting with friendly neighbors, sleeping through quiet nights and taking leisurely walks along the Hudson River.

It was lovely shopping around town with no worry of my car being towed. The thrill of filling my trunk with mega sizes of everything was making the transition from city to suburb progress along quite nicely. The list of things I was racing back to the city for was growing shorter.

The thought of replacing my NYC-based fitness trainer, however, was hard to imagine. As a model, the success of my career depends on how I look. I need an expert to help keep me in shape. But I was spending three hours a few days a week going to and from the city for my workouts. I would sometimes miss the first 10 minutes looking for parking, only to be greeted with a ticket on my windshield afterward. After a year of this stressful commute, I'd spent enough on parking tickets, garages, trainers and gym fees to build a fitness room of my own.

I finally decided to do some research and see if I could find an acceptable trainer in Westchester. After a quick Google search I found one worth checking out.

I walked into Vadim Fitness Studio with skepticism, believing I would have to compromise my fitness training. Owner Vadim Vilensky's initial persona seemed very serious. His dry humor, however, began to surface as he led me through a thorough assessment. He tested my strength, balance, stamina, endurance, coordination and body fat. I was impressed by his level of expertise. His knowledge was vast. My confidence in Vadim grew as the session continued, so I scheduled a workout with him right away.

From the very first session, I experienced results I had not felt or seen before. Vadim (pictured at right: a true Russian boot camp sergeant, "Yes, sir!") helped me recognize my strengths and build on them. He was able to pinpoint past injuries and adjust the program to fit my needs. As the weeks continued, my training with Vadim took my workouts to a whole new level. It was everything I wanted and more. (I was especially relieved when I learned his fee was not as high as his level of excellence: He charged half of what I paid in NYC, and no added gym fees!)

Over the years, vanity has not been a great motivator for me to "stick with it." Although my body was improving in form, Vadim led me to realize it was not my main goal. Vadim focuses on core strength, safety, balance and coordination, knowing overall fitness includes much more than having "buns of steel."

Now, not only do I know I am I in good hands with a highly qualified trainer, I also enjoy my workouts! Vadim makes it fun. He changes up the routine so I never get bored. He often presents me with new challenges, making it fresh and entertaining. Every few weeks he pulls out new and colorful equipment that sparks my curiosity and tests me in new ways. My workouts go by quickly because of the great variety of physical-training challenges that Vadim offers.

Previously, I had never stuck with a program longer than six months. I would get bored and then discouraged. My former trainers used guilt and fear to try and get me back. Vadim uses only encouragement and positive reinforcement.

It's been four years now and I am as enthusiastic as when I started. My body has never served me so well. I am stronger and more balanced at 60 years old than ever before!

Thanks to Vadim, I am now convinced that I can find excellence beyond the borders of NYC.

Interested in Vadim's training style? Check out his 20 Minute Fitness Boot Camp video, available at Amazon.com.

The Prime of My Life

2011-05-20T20:24:33Z

I come from a lineage of women who hardened themselves to survive in a man's world. My mother was practical. She kept me safe, clean, fed and busy with fun things. I grew up, however, without the feminine exchange I longed for from her. Looking back, I see that I made sure I always had many girlfriends -- that's how I quenched my thirst for the feminine connection I did not get at home.

When I was a teenager, I was painfully self-conscious and focused mostly on my appearance. I held my bangs down in the wind for fear that people would see my forehead, which I judged as too big. I sat on my hands because I was once told I had masculine fingers. I spent hours on my hair and makeup before school. I did whatever it took to look like the models on the magazine covers, wearing foundation, powder, blush, eyeshadow and two pairs of fake eyelashes every day. I helped my girlfriends do the same thing. We were all hiding behind a facade of beauty products, and I often wondered how I would keep my future husband from seeing the real me if I ever got married.

Little did I know, I was developing skills for my future career.

During the summer of 1968, I went through a huge transformation. I was living in the heart of San Francisco and my peers and I began recognizing the hypocrisy of society's dictates. We searched for new ideas and lifestyles that we could relate to. I threw away all my makeup and beauty products, most of my wardrobe, and anything that was not natural, authentic and honest. I even stopped shaving my legs and underarms.

A few years later, my rebellion softened and I found a happy medium. I realized I could honor my interest in beauty, and still be genuine and natural.

But once I started working with professional models, my self-esteem was confronted once again: I still had heavy negative judgment about my appearance (though it was far from the extreme I went through during puberty). It was difficult to spend days with these girls and feel good about myself, though I definitely enjoyed many aspects of working with a team to create a beautiful image. I knew deep down, however, that there was more to attractiveness than shiny hair and big eyes.

I realized that models did not come through the door looking like they did once we spent hours transforming them. So as I became more familiar with the concept of ideal beauty and worked closely with the girls who the world deemed the most gorgeous, I could see that surface beauty was only fleeting. Once I got to know the models, I could see that they were only attractive when they were happy, kind and loving themselves. I saw they were the most beautiful when they were truly enjoying their lives. I was no longer intimidated by their "package."

I was a makeup artist for over 25 years, and during that time I married, raised children, traveled the world, and learned more and more about myself. After years of taking myriad transformational workshops, psychology courses, and classes on human nature, I started living my life according to what pleasured me.

And once again I recognized that when a woman is taking joy in her life, she is her most radiant and attractive. Her beauty has nothing to do with the size of her nose, her height or the shape of her body. A woman's beauty is in her ability to experience pleasure.

So it was not until I was in my 40s that I started discovering all that being a woman is about. When I started living according to what pleasured me, my persona changed. When I started feeling "right" for who I was rather than thinking I had to fix something, or change in some way, others took notice. That is when I was recognized on the street and asked to model at age 49.

Honoring that most innate part of my feminine nature is what makes me most attractive.

I am now 60. I have found that the riches in life are all around me if I allow myself to notice and appreciate them by following my spirit. There is no external place to find what I carry right in side.

I continue to model and have created a pro-age, believable beauty cosmetic line, www.boombycindyjoseph.com.

Aging is really just another word for living. Life continues to be a magical and fascinating adventure. My passion, my feelings, and all that I am are intact and functioning. The concept that aging is becoming less in some way is really the antithesis of what happens. One becomes more and more as life continues.

I am always and forever in the "prime of my life."

Unstoppable Change

2011-04-27T16:37:36Z

Change is the nature of the universe. Change is inevitable.

We can either learn to work with it, and allow the natural course of transformation to unfold, or we can resist it. Regardless, it will happen, so how about flowing with change? Imagine your own evolution, growth and success as being unstoppable!

Let's take improving your mood as an example of going with the flow of change. When you're in a bad mood, do you tend to put on a happy face, think don't worry and be happy, or "fake it till you make it"? Are these techniques really following the organic process of change, or are they ways of shoving feelings under the rug?

I've learned that the key to moving into a positive emotional state is allowing myself to fully feel whatever emotions I'm experiencing in the moment. It can be very challenging to sit with these feelings -- it doesn't always feel safe, comfortable or flattering. Yet, if I trust that change is the natural way of things, then I can allow myself to feel the seemingly unbearable emotional depths of many less-than-pleasant feelings: guilt, despair, sadness, remorse, anger, jealousy or hatred. These emotions then transform into a whole new cycle of feelings.

We are not given a guidebook on how to maneuver ourselves through these less-than-positive feelings, yet they must be felt and expressed, not ignored. They are a vital part of being alive, and resisting these emotions drains your vitality. It takes a lot of work to repress intense emotions.

While it can be difficult to admit to many of these feelings, avoiding them simply delays processing them. Eventually they will come back when you least expect it, catching you and those around you by surprise.

You must move through the negative feelings before you can truly move into the positive. Keeping your emotional vessel emptied out by consistently feeling and acknowledging all your emotions is being fully alive.

As very young children, we are fully expressed. Yet, as we grow up, we get the message that we should just "get over" bad or negative feelings or that they are wrong. Well, I say phooey! We were born human and we stay human with the whole spectrum of emotions from birth to death. To deny we have negative feelings kills our passion; to put a lid on any single emotion dampens them all.

If I am feeling really frustrated, I let it out. Angry? I let 'er rip! Sad? I let those tears flow until they are all out and down the drain. Underneath those negative feelings are rich and wonderfully positive ones waiting to be revealed, including hope, faith, and the innate knowledge that everything will turn out -- that life always delivers another opportunity for fun and wonderful adventures.

So as you let yourself feel every emotion that comes up, watch them shift and change. You may be surprised and delighted by where they take you: Those negative feelings can lift away and be released when they are felt and expressed, making room for the deep satisfaction of authentic joy.

To be fully alive, we must be fully expressed. Once you experience the exhilaration of feeling all that you can and the freedom of expressing all that you feel, your life force and energy will be unstoppable!

The Pleasure of Healthy Eating

2011-02-11T17:46:12Z

I just turned 60! As this milestone birthday approached, I thought carefully about how I wanted to celebrate. Since I prefer more intimate groups (I am not fond of being the center of attention at a huge party), I decided to plan many small gatherings.

The first celebration was a weekend in Hartford, Conn., with my partner and four close friends. The son of two of these friends is Jonathan Hudak, the Chef de Cuisine at Grants Restaurant in West Hartford; I wanted to mark the beginning of my seventh decade by partaking in all the sensual delights of his famous tasting menu.

My friends and I at my birthday celebration at Grants.

Jonathan creates dishes that are carefully selected combinations of flavors and textures, and can take two to three days of preparation. The time, attention, focus and creativity that go into his creations make each dish a delectable, captivating adventure. He also choreographs the entire menu so that each dish complements and makes an introduction to the next. We made plans far in advance to make sure he had time to collect the variety of ingredients necessary for this gourmet extravaganza.

I also checked in with myself to make sure this was what I really wanted. "Am I, Cindy Joseph, a healthy-eating advocate, OK with indulging in a decadent, frivolous, butter- and cream-laden dream meal?" From past experience, I knew these were the perfect conditions to push my guilt and/or fear to the surface. I'm sure you're familiar with the head chatter that gets in the way of enjoyment: "This could not be good for me! Oh, I should never eat that! This is going to set off all my cravings! This could be the beginning of the end! Blah, blah, blah!"

I also knew that punishing myself by not truly enjoying my meal was the less healthy path. Over the years, I have learned that health is so much more than diet: It's a whole way of life, an entire approach toward self-image and living. (If you've read any of my past blog entries, you know I am a huge proponent of living life according to what pleasures me.)

The element of healthy eating that is most often overlooked is our attitude toward what we are eating. I say savor and enjoy every bite. Use all of your senses to experience everything you are eating. Take the time to appreciate all that went into the preparation of the meal. Feel the gratitude for the opportunity, that way your body will be at ease and full of joy as you take in the meal with pleasure.

My birthday meal was exactly that. The six of us were in ecstasy as we tasted each bite. We shared oo's and ahh's, and talked about the complexity of each dish and the myriad flavors we were experiencing. We drank in the aromas and delighted in all the different textures. We photographed each course, reveling in the beauty of each plating. All of our senses were open and ready for the entire adventure.

Here's a short selection of the menu we enjoyed (please keep in mind that this was a special occasion!):

Pan-Roasted Hudson Valley Foie Gras
roasted pear custard / 25-year aged balsamic/ cinnamon brioche crunch

Benton's Bacon Wrapped Saddle of Rabbit
butternut squash and brown butter purée/ Brussels sprout leaves/ rabbit jus

All-Day Braised Berkshire Pork Belly
savoy cabbage/ roasted maitake mushroom/ bacon-onion jus

Herb-Roasted Mishima Ranch Eye of Wagyu Beef
yukon gold potato purée/ glazed baby carrots/ sauce bordelaise

Lemon Trio
meyer lemon cheesecake/ steamed lemon pudding/ lemon curd ice cream

In spite of these rich ingredients, at the end of the meal, each of us sat happily digesting every aspect that went into it. We enjoyed the spirit of love and enthusiasm that Jonathan and his staff put into that meal, as well as each ingredient. There we sat in total comfort, after 13 courses (as special guests, Jonathan surprised us with a few extra dishes), with our bodies feeling satiated and content.

Whether you are eating a smorgasbord of gourmet foods or just an apple, look at it, taste it, feel it, smell it, think about it and appreciate every bite. That is what I call the pleasure of healthy eating.

Trusting the Experts

2010-12-07T22:08:34Z

In these do-it-yourself times, when many of us keep track of our calorie intake, heart rate and cholesterol alongside our stock investments and tax returns, I believe in paying professionals to deal with areas in which we're not the experts. I get paid for what I do best; why not give other professionals the chance to do what they do best -- for me?

Fitness training is one of those areas where I prefer to let someone else be the boss -- there's so much science and technology out there; it's hard to keep track of it all on my own. Or even put it to good use in my own fitness regimen without some guidance.

I may be moving my body, but I know I would not have the balance, strength and coordination I now have if I went to the gym on my own. My trainer has me using equipment I have never seen in a typical gym, and he watches to make sure my form brings the most efficient results. Now, when I do a workout alone, I can gauge myself by his training.

My trainer makes it fun for me and all I have to do is enjoy my workouts! He changes up the routine so I never get bored and often presents me with different challenges to make it fresh and entertaining. Every few weeks he pulls out new and colorful equipment that sparks my curiosity and tests me in ways I never thought of. My workouts go by quickly because of the great variety of physical training, and he takes responsibility for setting a pace appropriate for my physiology.

We forget what "trainer" means. A fitness trainer is a teacher. They are training you so you can do it on your own. I believe it's a great investment and saves you money in the long run. You learn how to work out without causing injury, saving on doctor bills, and you learn what you need to do for the most efficient results. You can hire a trainer for just enough sessions to go on your own safely and efficiently. All the skills they teach you are yours for the rest of your life. I find reading about workouts does not stay in my memory; my body memory kicks in when I am actually doing the exercises with a skilled instructor.

One to three sessions with a trainer would create a strong foundation, and then a refresher session a few times a year can make a huge impact on the success of your workouts. Safety should not be underrated. Injury can cause great expense and be a huge setback on your fitness goals. We take classes for everything else in life, why not fitness? It's your body -- the one thing you are guaranteed to have the rest of your life.

My trainer, Vadim Vilensky, and I recently filmed a boot-camp workout video. We have had sessions on a tri-weekly basis for two years. Even so, training for this video was hard work! I was very impressed by the results. You can see the trailer on YouTube or purchase the video on Amazon.com.

Now I'm able to work out at home with the video when I can't make it to the gym -- and it only takes 20 minutes!

Connected

2010-09-29T17:55:48Z

Getting connected, feeling connected and being connected are the most important things in my life -- I believe they are the most vital and critical elements to living happily and with satisfaction. Though I don't know all of the science behind the need for connections, I know instinctively that humans thrive in company, and are meant to have companions in life, be it family, friends, coworkers, or fellow community, spiritual congregation or club members. People want and need to relate with each other; it seems people would rather fight with each other, i.e., relate in a negative way, than not connect at all.

Personally, I feel connected when I am alone and do not feel alone; when I am an integral part of a group; when I'm feeling part of a bigger whole, like a family, a group project, a neighborhood or community initiative, a work force. I recognize that each individual creates the larger whole, proving the value of everyone involved. I also see my connection to the planet by acknowledging the role I play in the balance of Mother Nature -- humans are critical to the ecosystem.

Connection is a state of mind, a knowing that I am a unique and vital part of this universe. It's knowing all of humanity is my family -- a "we are all in this together" kind of thing. The feeling comes from my own point of view. It's a decision to acknowledge the truth of how things are.

For me, feeling connected is feeling valuable.

So how do I get connected if I'm not feeling it? First, I must reconnect with myself. I take the time to check in and just feel my feelings: I often find that when I'm disconnected, I'm anxious, worried, annoyed or tense. Once I take a little inventory, then I can do what I need to do to relax, be it intentionally breathing deeply, releasing my body tension or stretching. Once I relax, then I start to feel appreciation for my life, and the tension disappears. I feel safe, calm and hopeful. When I do that, I feel connected to myself. Once I feel connected to myself, I start to feel the connection to others. And that brings me to feeling I belong here, to an understanding that I am a part of everything.

Getting connected, for me at least, starts from within, and from there extends to the external world of family and friends. Eventually, it makes its way to my community, country, the world and, finally, the whole universe.

How do you get connected? I'd love to hear your thoughts and ideas.

Putting Fun First

2010-07-15T17:33:40Z

In the July/August "Zoom!" issue of Experience Life, I shared some of my favorite tips for simplifying my personal-care routines (read those here). But space is limited in print, and there are so many other areas of my life where I employ time- and labor-saving techniques, so I thought I'd offer a few more strategies here.

First, though, I should tell you that my mother taught me many organizational skills at a young age. She was structured and orderly in all that she did, and she practiced this efficiency to create more time to relax, telling me, "The lazy man invented the wheel."

While I've used these skills well throughout my life, I've tweaked her philosophy: For me, efficiency and organization are the most important ingredients in making any activity quick and easy -- and quick and easy translates to more time to play and have fun, which you know I'm all about!

Keeping that in mind, here are a few more ways I keep things simple:

When hosting a party, I set up traffic patterns so moving from room to room and getting food and drink is a breeze for my guests. It creates a natural flow and obvious spaces for certain activities to occur (e.g., eating, socializing, relaxing). It also makes being the host more enjoyable -- instead of directing, it's like being a guest at your own event!
I arrange my kitchen cupboards in such a way that I use the least amount of time and effort getting what I need together for a meal. I store the glasses, for instance, near the sink and fridge, and the cups near the tea kettle. I also do the dishes from right to left because I'm right handed and it feels most natural.
I've streamlined bill paying by going paperless and setting up auto payments for loans and credit cards online.
Whenever possible, I use Skype and video conferencing, which eliminate the need to travel for business meetings.
I eat lots of fruit: It's healthy, comes in beautiful disposable packages and there's no preparation. I throw it in my backpack and take off for the day with a delicious meal. (To note: On the go, it's best to carry hard fruit like apples and oranges to prevent damage in transit; if you want something delicate like peaches or pears, put them in the outside pockets of your bag.)
I've found a hairstyle I love that's low-maintenance -- no rollers and blow dryers required. When I get out of the shower, I simply let my hair air dry while I get other things ready for the day or even while I'm driving to my first appointment. It saves me up to an hour of grooming time.
I create a place for everything I own, which helps make tidying up a relatively quick and painless chore.
I text and email when I'm making plans with friends or colleagues instead of calling everyone involved individually. It eliminates all the excess discussion that's often involved in zeroing in on a time and place.

I love finding ways to make things quick and easy. For me, it's a fun task in itself -- one that, in the end, creates time for even more fun!

What are your strategies? I'd love to hear about them!

Singing the Blues

2010-06-10T18:38:13Z

Like happiness and joy, the "blues" are part of our genetic makeup. Yet in our society, we are commonly led to believe that these feelings should be excluded from our lives -- it seems trying to avoid the bad is also human nature. Instead of feeling these emotions, we're told to "keep a stiff upper lip"; "bite your tongue"; "don't cry, smile"; "don't be sad"; "don't worry, be happy."

But as difficult or uncomfortable as it is to get in touch with feelings of shame, fear or sadness, it's more valuable than we are taught: Ignoring the yucky feelings and just "stuffing them under the rug" only delays processing them and, subsequently, getting back to feeling good. Trying to ignore or eliminate the blues is a futile battle.

We live in a success-oriented culture that stresses being ambitious and getting things accomplished -- that's difficult to do if we are feeling down. Yet it's easy to pack so much activity into a day that we don't have time to get in touch with our feelings, much less process them. By the end of the day, we just want to relax and have fun, getting straight to feeling good. To get to positive, however, we sometimes have to go through the negative.

We all know that children surrender very quickly to their emotions. We've all witnessed, for instance, a child getting his or her feelings hurt and breaking down into tears on the spot. They cry their little hearts out with passion, and then, just minutes later, are up and playing. That's a clear demonstration of how allowing yourself to fully express negative emotions can quickly transform into more positive ones.

That transformation does not happen on an intellectual level. In the emotional state, there is no analytic observation and no logical thought. Emotions are felt. Yet as we grow up, we learn to control our emotions, often burying them inside.

I believe, as adults, we need to create an appropriate place to express the emotions we put on hold. And though allowing ourselves to completely surrender to our emotions can be terrifying, and trusting the process takes courage, as well as time and practice, it's worth every ounce of effort. (I've found that using a professional to help guide me to those feelings can be of great help.)

Finding a path to a balanced and healthy emotional life is what I strive for -- and thanks to strategies learned in therapy that I've practiced time and time again, I can attest that it can be done! Rather than deny the blues or any of the emotions we judge as negative (anger, jealousy, frustration, shame, fear, etc.), I've discovered there can be a very positive use for them, and that they offer a great many benefits. For one, facing and fully expressing them brings me to new levels of self-knowledge and creativity.

When I try to avoid feeling the blues, they always come back to haunt me. I find that the negative feelings stack up over time, and eventually I have to deal with them one way or another. If I don't, I end up in a general, unspecific depression, and it's much harder to get to the bottom of what instigated it in the first place. I've also noticed that if I don't express sadness, anger, shame or any of the negative emotions with passion, I can't fully express positive emotions either: Putting a cap on one emotion limits the expression of them all. When I get in touch with what I am truly feeling, however, it always leads to a positive transformation.

As a result of dealing with the backlog of repressed emotions through therapy, I can now handle my feelings on my own. When negative feelings arise, I sing the blues, figuratively and literally. I face them head on, sinking into them and doing whatever it takes to bring them on full force. I may read poetry, watch a movie or listen to music to trigger more expression. For me, embracing the blues and feeling them completely is the most powerful step toward feeling better. It allows my energy to move; it allows the transformation toward personal growth and evolution.

I keep in mind that happiness includes all emotions and that the whole spectrum makes my life richer and more passionate. Once you find the blues righteous, life starts to look brighter!

It's helpful to remember:

"What you resist, persists."

"If you don't dig the blues, you got a hole in your soul."

What do you do to handle the blues? I'd love to hear from (and learn from) you . . .

Facing Fear Head On

2010-05-10T17:26:40Z

As a 50-plus-year-old model, I represent women of the baby boomer generation, which means I am often asked about my point of view on aging. I have pretty strong opinions about this (as you probably know if you've read any of my past blog entries or columns in Experience Life -- for those of you who haven't, see my first entry!), but I'm always curious about others' perspectives. I've heard all sorts of theories and philosophies, but I was caught off guard when, a few years back, a wise teacher of mine shared his thoughts. "Aging," he said to me, "is the addition of reasons we don't do things."

His statement initially struck me as odd, but the longer I thought about it, the truer I realized it was. All my life, I've heard myself and others make excuses for not doing things: I'm too tired, too clumsy, too embarrassed, too smart, too short, too tall, too weak, too strong, too scared, too old -- the list goes on.

I believe we allow ourselves these excuses because we're afraid to feel the fear that is lying underneath them -- it's how we convince ourselves that we cannot do or achieve whatever we're facing. While it may be trying to protect us, it's that internal voice that all too often prevents us from discovering something new and possibly wonderful, especially as we get older.

As children, we tried everything we possibly could, continuously exploring and discovering new things because we had yet not developed that sense of fear. As adults, we need to unearth that curious inner child because, truth be told, discovering is living.

Whenever I find myself being hesitant about something new, further self-exploration almost always exposes fear at the core of the resistance. I don't believe there is a way to overcome that fear; it simply is there. I do believe, however, that you can move forward in the face of it. So I muster up my courage and just do it -- like the day I graduated from my sky-diving course . . .

I had done the seven required free-fall jumps with my instructors, but in order to get my license, I had to go out solo. There I was, at the open plane door, all alone. Gripped by fear, all I could think about was how easy it would be to close the door and just sit down.

I stood in that moment, trying to decide what I would, should, could do, pondering all the possibilities and outcomes. And then, I let go of it all and let my body fall out of the plane.

I got my heading and looked around: I was in control of everything necessary. At that moment, with the fear behind me, I felt a calm inner joy of accomplishment, relief and peace. I was able to take in all the sensations of free falling. I was in control of my body, my equipment and my mind. If I had not moved forward in the face of that fear, I would have missed out on an intensely rewarding experience.

My example may be an extreme one, but the fear I faced is the same intense fear that can rule any situation -- asking for a raise, telling someone your feelings, embarking on a new adventure. It's the moment when you decide to move forward in the face of that fear, regardless of the situation, that you are choosing to live, not just survive.

The older I get, the more willing I've become to go in the direction of fear and move through my resistances. Sometimes it happens quickly, other times it's a longer process. But by facing my fears, I've discovered more joy, fun and adventure than I ever dreamed possible (as displayed in the photo above).

What fears have you faced head on? How did it feel? I'd love to hear your stories!

A Recipe for Radiance

2010-04-19T16:49:05Z

In a recent issue of Experience Life, I was interviewed about what lights me up and inspires and motivates me. For me, it's a no-brainer: living according to what brings me true joy and happiness. When I do this, I feel more than satisfaction -- I feel radiant! I experience more enthusiasm, energy and vitality in everything I do.

Like everyone, though, I occasionally lose that glow. But there are strategies for getting it back. In starts with asking myself, "What makes me happy? What are my priorities? What are the things that add joy to my life?"

I believe there are several important factors that support joy, including health, emotional expression and being spiritually in tune. The more I nurture a balance between these aspects, the more radiant I feel. The opposite is also true, as the more imbalanced I let them become, the worse my mood and outlook. It's then that I go back to some essential self-care actions:

Nurturing relationships: When I connect and relate intimately with friends or family -- be it through playful laughs, brainstorming about careers or sharing feelings -- I get totally recharged, and carry that energy through everything I do.
Getting enough sleep: When I don't get enough sleep, forget about it -- everything goes haywire. First, I get nervous and cranky; I also feel hungry when I have no need for food. If I'm really deprived of rest, I'm emotionally tender and easily brought to tears. After that, I lose my motivation to do anything about it. Once I'm in that state, it's tough to do what it takes to get the needed rest. Thankfully, even a short nap can totally recharge me, physically and psychologically. I've learned to make getting a good night's sleep a priority, so I never have to get to that point. (For more on the physiological benefits of sleep, see "Sleep Deficit: The Hidden Debt That's Hurting Us All" in the November 2008 archives at experiencelifemag.com.)
Fasting: Under professional care, fasting is one of my annual rituals. Initially, the glow dwindles, but once I start to refeed, it's amplified and just keeps getting brighter! Fasting resets my whole system: cravings for junky foods disappear; my skin and eyes become brighter; my body performs better; my mind is sharper. All my senses wake up -- I can detect smells much more clearly, I hear better, and my sense of taste is highly intensified. My energy is reignited, and I feel fresh and clean, like a newborn baby.
Showing Gratitude: Taking the time to appreciate what I have and making a deliberate point of finding the good in my life always brings a smile to my face. I sometimes do this first thing in the morning by putting my attention on my body and appreciating the miracle that it is. I may take a moment in the day to look at the sky, the trees and wildlife around me. The magnificence of nature leaves me in awe. I may sit in meditation and listen to my breathing, which slows me down enough to notice the life force in and around me. Slowing down allows me to experience gratitude and appreciation.
Exercising regularly: I have an exercise routine I practice every week that covers my basic health needs. But when I need to kick up my glow in the middle of a workday, I grab my jump rope. I will stop whatever I'm doing, and jump rope 100 times. It takes about three minutes and voilà! I always feel better physically and emotionally. (For more on the physiological benefits of exercise, see "8 Ways Exercise Makes You Gorgeous" at experiencelifemag.com.)

When it comes right down to it, my glow is a result of living a life based on what truly makes me happy. Finding those things that bring you true joy and happiness takes work - and sometimes it's not easy -- but it's worth the effort. I promise!

"Taking joy in life is a woman's best cosmetic." -- Rosalind Russell.

The Search for Simplicity

2010-03-08T16:07:02Z

Growing up in a society that values appearances, accomplishments, production and success, more than character, self-awareness and consciousness, creates a complicated external life. Career, money and ambition become center stage. There is no time to benefit from what a simpler life can bring.

The two-week American vacation is hardly enough time to relax and contemplate such things. Just as the gears start to slow down enough to do so, we are back to work. So we just keep going, juggling our busy schedules, social obligations and belongings, and becoming ever more distant from ourselves.

Why is the beach so attractive to so many? I am taking a good look at that right now. I am on an island off the coast of Florida. There is nothing here but beach, water and sky.

I sleep and eat. I sit and walk. I relate with friends. I have been here three days. I talk less, listen more. My movement, my speech and my thoughts have slowed down.

As I meditate on this subject of simplicity, I see that as my outer life becomes more complex, my inner life gets buried and lost. With a rich inner life, it's easy to keep daily life simple.

It's finding the right balance. For me, less is definitely more.

Less Clutter, More Living

2010-02-17T20:58:05Z

For the last three months, a friend of mine has been living in a storage room above his garage while his house is being built -- he wants to be on the property so he can oversee the project.

All of the belongings he's collected over years of travel and a career in photography are packed away in boxes stacked around the little living spot he's created for himself. All he's left unpacked are a bed, a table, a chair, a hot plate and some clothes.

You'd think he'd be going crazy with all of his things in boxes, but he recently told me he might not need to build the house after all. He is loving the simplicity of his life without all the "stuff." With his space less cluttered, he has more time to just be.

Like my friend, I have seen myself and many others fill our homes and lives with stuff. We obtain so many belongings that we end up spending a huge percentage of our time managing it all -- maintaining and caring for all our belongings takes time and energy. In the end, we often get rid of much of it, realizing it no longer holds the initial charm it once had.

As a result, we end up neglecting our inner lives, which have more meaning and value than objects ever can.

This realization got me thinking:

Maybe we complicate our outer lives to avoid all the clutter inside.

Maybe our deeper feelings get ignored when we occupy ourselves with all the external stuff.

Maybe our feelings are the belongings we should be cherishing and taking care of -- there is a very complex and magnificent world inside there.

If that's the case, maybe keeping our outer world simple will allow the beautiful complexities of our inner world to flourish and expand. Just a thought ...

Getting Real

2010-01-22T18:38:59Z

The beginning of a new year is traditionally a time when people make a list of resolutions so they can get a fresh start at changing their lives for the better: Losing weight, signing up for classes, organizing their belongings -- the list goes on.

This year, instead of making my goals impossible to reach by trying to live up to an ideal (something I am not), I am getting real about who I am and what I want.

I will not, for instance, eliminate all the "fun" foods from my diet, so a resolution to never eat pizza again is unrealistic -- and definitely not what I want. Aerobics? I have never been crazy about running; it's just not my cup of tea. So instead of starting to jog three times a week, I'm making a commitment to find an aerobic workout that I know I will enjoy and want to do.

"Getting Real" is about loving myself. Loving myself is not about acceptance, compromise, or about acquiescing to my limitations. It's about finding myself perfect, just as I am. What I used to think were my imperfections, I now see as perfections:

Imperfection: I took three guitar lessons, practiced twice and quit. After some ballet lessons, I quit after making a mistake at a recital. I felt like a loser, a quitter and a failure.

Perfection: I did those things for as long as they were interesting, trying many things until I found what I wanted. I didn't waste time, sticking with something that didn't fulfill me. I have a wide variety of experiences, and had more time to do what I finally found fulfilling.

Imperfection: I could never stick to a diet for more than two weeks. I was continuously trying new ones. I judged myself as having no discipline or willpower.

Perfection: Trying every new diet and health regimen became my lifelong study in nutrition and health. I used my own body as a laboratory and found out what really works.

Imperfection: I have stiff joints. I would never be able to do yoga properly. I was not made right.

Perfection: I learned my joints are very strong, allowing me to become flexible without injury. It allowed me to learn quickly that yoga is not about the goals of the ego: The final posture is not what is important, but how well you do each stage of it.

Imperfection: I was a controlling person, wanting to do things in a very particular way. I thought of myself as a control freak and persnickity.

Perfection: I am very discriminating and capable. I trust my judgment and know what I want.

Imperfection: I would start talking and go on (and on) without a breath. I judged myself as tiring and long winded.

Perfection: I have spent my life practicing to be more articulate by conversing with friends and family that loved me enough to put up with it. I have many ideas I am passionate about and want to share.

Imperfection: I am overly excitable, uneasy and wired, which is very wrong.

Perfection: I am very enthusiastic and passionate. I bring life to the party, energy to projects and inspiration to others.

All of these add up to making me perfectly unique. I am not buying the advertising message that I will be right once I own that thing, make that goal, or accumulate that wealth. I am perfect just as I am.

As we move further into the New Year, I will continue to go for what I want and what I like. I have learned that if I honor my own unique desires, I will always have gratitude and appreciation for my life, and the abundance to share my happiness with others.

And that is real fulfillment.

Laughing My Way to Relaxation

2009-12-01T20:17:17Z

It was 1969. I was 18. Maharishi Mahesh Yogi (the famed spiritual guru who brought Transcendental Meditation to the United States) was in town. My girlfriend had just gotten initiated at the Transcendental Meditation Center. They gave her a special, sacred word/sound to repeat silently during her meditation. She was told never to speak it out loud. She didn't even tell me, her best friend! I knew, then, I had to get one of my own.

When I arrived at the meditation center, I was asked to wait in a candlelit room. The scent of incense was in the air. I heard soft footsteps just outside the door. A young woman came in and asked me to place the flowers I was asked to bring on an altar next to a photograph of the Maharishi. He had a subtle smile and a little glint of mischievousness in his eyes. I liked him immediately.

The woman sat quietly with her eyes closed. When she finished, she leaned over and whispered into my ear. That was it. I now had my very own mantra.

A few months later, I went to a group meditation with my friend. We entered a large room. The only sound was the whisper of fabric and bare feet on the floor as each of us found a spot and sat down.

I closed my eyes and settled in, preparing myself for the 20-minute meditation. Each of us was to recite our mantras silently for the duration.

I pictured my friend sitting next to me, smiling. It made me giggle. When she heard me, she started to giggle, too. I knew we were in trouble.

I focused on my mantra to try and stop the sensation rising in my body. The energy between us was growing. The more I tried to hold it in, the harder it was to control.

Suddenly, a loud guffaw shot out of my mouth. I was horrified. I tried deep breathing to slow it all down, but there was no stopping it. Another surge of energy rose and another wave of laughter poured out of us. We surrendered in unison and just laughed and laughed. I felt the tears flowing down my face as my whole body convulsed and shook uncontrollably.

When we finally quieted down, I noticed all the tension had left my body. I fell into a deep state of relaxation. Now, with a quiet mind and still body, I was free to wander the Universe. I could have sat there all night long.

When we got up to leave, the others glared at us. I could see they were displeased. I gave a silent apology and, grabbing my friend, rushed out into the cool air.

I was rested. I was relaxed. I was free!

I later found out the Maharishi himself would get the giggles from time to time during his own meditation. (I knew there was something I liked about him!)

I also learned that laughter is one of the all-time best stress relievers around. It calms the mind, heals the body and lifts the spirit in ways virtually no other relaxation approach can.

So my advice is this: If you have an opportunity to laugh -- or better yet, laugh uncontrollably -- embrace it! And if you'd like more opportunities to laugh, by all means go in search of them. My guess is that you'll start finding giggles in places that surprise you.

For more on the benefits of laughter in meditation and yoga, check out these videos:

"God and I have become like two giant fat people living in a tiny boat. We keep bumping into each other and laughing." --Hafiz