My Road Less Travelled
This is me (an idealist dreamer from an early age) in the early farm days, circa 1973, in one of our commune's many improvised environments -- a "barn apartment." That's my cousin Barb, a fellow commune-dweller (wearing actual clothes), in the background.
For a lot of my early life, the idea of "being different" was anything but appealing to me. All I wanted was to be like everybody else.
Alas, right from the beginning, that just wasn't in my cards. Growing up in the Midwest, surrounded by Ann Johnsons and John Andersons, I had an impossibly weird name. At one point I asked my mom if she would consider letting me go by something more normal -- like, say, Jill, Sarah or Irene. She would not.
To make matters worse, I spent most of my childhood on a back-to-the-land communal farm that was regarded by the surrounding rural community as completely bizarre. The lunches my sisters and I brought to school (sandwiches with sprouts on homemade dark bread, and yet packed in reused bread bags -- go figure) bore no resemblance to the "normal" lunches other kids had.
The crazy-looking houses we lived in (experimental passive solar designs constructed by amateur builders from recycled materials) were so odd looking from the road they were rumored to be haunted, or to conceal dungeons. The fact that one house had a tower, and the other a drawbridge, probably didn't help.
Long story short, my sisters and I were never going to fit in. We talked, thought and acted different from our peers, and at times we were regarded as so strange and "not from around here" that the local kids refused to sit next to us on the school bus.
For a long time, I tried mightily to conform. And eventually, when that didn't work, I moved away -- going first to an alternative public school in Minneapolis (weird), then to a women's college in California (also weird, but in a different way), and then doing a brief teaching stint in Paris, where, being neither typically American nor appropriately European, I felt totally out of place once again.
Eventually, I got used to the idea of being a walker between worlds. Sometimes modern, Western, mainstream ways appealed to me. Other times, counterculture, global or ancient wisdom made a lot more sense. I experimented with both, mixing and matching as I saw fit, and searching out the balance that helped me feel best in my own skin.
In the realms of health and happiness, it seemed obvious to me that many of the dominant-culture patterns were making people sick, fat and depressed. They were also polluting the environment, undermining communities and emptying human lives of joy and meaning. And at the same time, many of the alternative-culture patterns seemed rigid, restrictive, joyless, overly woo-woo or infected with a nasty case of holier-than-thou-ism.
Looking at the world around me, and experimenting for myself, I started seeing that ultimately, neither side had all the answers. Reality just wasn't "either/or." It was "both/and."
I figured out that I just had to get comfortable doing what worked for me -- even when that meant feeling wedged between the cracks between two categories, or drifting free of all socially-sanctioned moorings.
Walking the path of health and happiness, I have found, sometimes means wandering alone.
It can also mean swimming against the tide, walking against traffic, dancing to your own drum, hoeing your own row and about a dozen other metaphorical acts that conjure the difficult and determined journey of the oddball.
Oh sure, detox smoothies, plant-based diets and yoga classes may be all the rage. You yourself may be training for a triathlon, practicing gratitude and freezing your own homegrown vegetables. And if you're surrounded by other healthy, happy people who are doing similarly healthy things, you can count yourself lucky. I do.
But make no mistake: We still live in a country where the majority of the population is overweight, where most adults over 30 are on a variety of prescription drugs (especially antacids, depression and blood-pressure meds), where chronic disease is rampant even among young people, and where 85 percent of doctors' office visits are stress-related.
We live in a country where sitting in front of a screen several hours a day is considered normal, where most grocery stores and restaurants primarily sell foods that do us far more harm than good, and where healthcare costs are so daunting that they threaten our entire economy.
We live in a country where fatigue and insomnia plague millions, and where, according to leading research psychologist Barbara Fredrickson, only 20 percent of us are flourishing, and the rest of us are getting by or "leading lives of quiet desperation."
We live in a society, in other words, where living a full-vitality existence is very much the exception, not the rule. And as a result, committing to such a life can be fraught -- at least initially -- with inconvenience, expense, confusion, social awkwardness, frustration and doubt.
But you know what? It's totally worth it. And it gets easier over time.
In fact, for the most part, living this way is delightfully rewarding. And sometimes -- particularly when you making a healthy discovery or find yourself surrounded by a supportive social network -- it's an absolute blast.
So this is a blog about my experience on both sides of that journey. The agony and the elation. The loneliness and the camaraderie. The moments of clarity, befuddlement, hope, exasperation and everything in between.
This is a blog about choosing the road less travelled. It's about the odyssey of making conscious, positive choices in a world that desperately needs more healthy happy people, but that often seems hell-bent on making their lives more difficult than they need to be.
It's about my contention that today and in this culture, being fully healthy is a revolutionary act, one that requires courage, determination, experimentation and a deep willingness to find your own way and give your best gifts, even when it would be easier to settle.
In short, this blog is a travelogue honoring the meandering route that many of us are now walking individually -- and yet increasingly, also together -- and about what we're learning along the way.
If you're still reading this rambling entry, I'd wager that you're a fellow walker on that path. Or at least an interested loiterer. And in either case, I'd love to hear from you (see the comments link below). What are your trials and tribulations, your breakthroughs and "aha!"s, your missteps and big leaps?
I can't wait to hear all about 'em.
In the meantime, here's to the journey. And vive la revolution!
Note: I also ponder related topics on Twitter (@pgerasimo) and Facebook, and in my "Thoughts From The Editor" column in Experience Life magazine. Connect with me there, too!
Loved your article! And was surprised to be the first to comment!
While much of what you said rang true to my conception of healthy living in today's world, I couldn't help but also agree wholeheartedly with the notion that each of us is trying mightily to find our own way under our unique circumstances. It was so refreshing to hear someone's honesty about the trial it is to maintain one's health in an otherwise unhealthy world. I don't begin to have all of the answers, but I'm loving the journey and thankful to have someone else willing to share in it.
Lately I've been feeling blessed to have had a "different" childhood. On a recent visit to Olympia, Roy & Nina pulled out some old photos. One was of your mother and younger sister standing next to a slaughtered pig. Black and white, it could have been mistaken for a Dorthea Lange photo from the '30s. I think our history has given us the ability to walk in different worlds and value their diversity. This is a gift.
Thanks! I enjoyed your article very much, Pilar. Personally, my "commune" was an old country farmhouse living with my family in rural South Carolina. While fresh vegetables and meats were most plentiful, we prepared our meals "Southern style" as you might guess. Meals were out of this world good and portions generous, but at times that comes with poor health impacts. Today I'm paying the price for my own over-indulgence and am attempting to make amends, with food being one component. In recent years, I've become an interested loiterer but am now ready and willing to go for the next level! I look forward to future posts and also joining in as a fellow walker on that path of healthy choices. Thanks so much in advance for your help with the journey!!
Really enjoyed the article. I too craved "normal" as my mother fell ill to paranoid schizophrenia shortly after my birth and dad had alcohol issues. It's a long story for my blog someday. But I always looked to others for my "normalcy".
As I reached my late 40's I finally got it. Just be myself. It feels like wearing a comfy sweater.
I hope you don't mind a personal thought. I thoroughly enjoyed the seminar in '08 in Rhinbeck, NY. What I saw was the genuine article. Your commitment to help others is amazing and I thank you for it.
Thanks for your help on this journey also. Just wanted to say your fellow travelers are out here and while we all must make our "Hero's Journey" on our own it's comforting to take this trip next to others on the same path.
Love it! (and what an awesome picture!! :)
I loved reading your article and the responses to it. Now I feel like I'm not wandering as alone!
You are right! It does get easier the more you do it! I've spent most of my life, though fitting in on the outside feeling like a complete outsider on the inside. The older I get the easier it is for me to ignore the rest of the world and everyone else's opinions and do what is right for me.
Every time I bring a reusable bag into the store they look at me kinda funny. Every time I ask if I can just carry something out (if I forget the bag) they look at me even funnier (and always have to put that sticker on it!)
Running outside or taking time from being with others (or *gasp* take my hour lunch break from work to NOT work) to exercise or just retreat from technology - it seems like I've definitely lost my mind to the rest of the world.
I make my husband crazy with no processed snacks and all healthy food - but we are both getting healthier and more aware of our world because of it. Some days it is good and some days we just want it to go away.
I can't wait to read more! Thanks so much!
So happy to see your blog! It's amazing P, but I just lately noticed I've been lonely that way and didn't really connect it to our weird childhood. That may seem amazing to you but I've always been grateful to be different and now I am so happy you put it into words. What a revelation. Your editorial "Genius Pact" has been forwarded to a couple of friends as I've been much more consciously looking for support and connection.
I am so happy to have had this different path because it gives us such a great strength and perspective.
I often tell people we were brought up by "Laura Ingalls Wilder"; that spirit of individualism, self sufficiency and also just as Jenny said, "something out of the 30's".
Thanks for putting into words what has been intangible, sensed but unrealized, felt but not thought.
I am very much looking forward to more blog entries!
Wonderful to read your story, Pilar ! Wonderful ! cool !
My upbringing was rather normal, but i wasn't. I'm the dreamer with gifts of talents, good health and boundless energy, not afraid to talk to anyone, and curious. In a normal world, my brain has always left me quite the loner. Here i sit at 54 with a thousand aquaintences but no friends except on facebook, where i have met many a kindred spirit, including You !
I've found my own comfort in being the way i am, and have planted a million seeds of goodness and love and kindness and wisdom, and hope that my weird ways have had some effect eventually on people i've touched. Why are people afraid still of an offer of help, or random acts of smiling ??
I likewise look forward to more blog entries - make sure you don't overstretch yourself - do when it feels right for you, not neglecting real life !
Bless you, Pilar !
Great article. As an American living in the UK I can totally relate to the "living between worlds" theme of your blog. Personally I like to view the world through a philosophical lens and see that all is in balance - even the masses in the middle that you describe as basically fat and unhappy. I grew up with a hippy-ish mom who owned a health food store and we were the family who ate weird food and drank "lumpy" milk (bits of cream because it was raw - straight from the cow.) I wouldn't trade my life on the fringes for anything. You're a good writer and I really enjoyed reading that. Thanks.
ps...I just subscribed to the magazine and can't wait to get it!
Lovely insights into who you are and how you've come to where you are, with your magazine especially. I really like it...keep up the good work, Pilar.
Warmly
JL
Oh what a lovely find! A return welcome to you. Glad to know you and look forward to learning with you and sharing our insights! Really enjoyed your latest post on diet sodas. I had a nasty soda habit and switching to diet just served to further enable a practice of substituting fake food for real food.
Please stop by my blog and say hello. I'll certainly be sharing yours with my readers!
Wonderful beginning to a great blog, Pilar. I am just catching up tonight (on all the blogs) and this one especially ring true for me.
Is anyone's childhood "normal"? I have to wonder if we all feel like outliers, no matter how typical our upbringing may seem to the casual observer.
I have found that with age, I too care less about what makes me "different" and love myself all the more for it. I grew up worrying too much about what others might think--how I might not measure up.
You are an inspiration, and I think your views on life and accepting who you are will ring true for many!
Jenn